Battling my Inner Voice

It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.

Sir Edmund Hillary

I have run many ultra-marathons and have even run the entire length of my home state of New Jersey from top to bottom, about 196 miles. I am planning on doing this run again. Though this time from the southernmost point to the northern. I have even addressed audiences about my ultra experiences particularly the New Jersey run. In doing so I regale them with the ups and downs of such feats but there is definitely an air of inevitability to the tales. I explain my “why” in these presentations. Which is of believing in challenging oneself. That our greatest personal achievements are accomplished because they were difficult. That I think aging is not slowing down. That we are capable of more than we think.

I do it with an air of confidence. That it is easy. Frankly after several years of this I am not really challenged about my why and my ability to do these running feats at my age by anyone. Except one person. This person will challenge me and say “Bull sh$#@! You are not as tough as you appear. You are getting old and slowing down. You are just in denial.” The confidence that I thought I was oozing evaporates when they confront me. Is it just my male ego (My motto is never underestimate the stupidity of the male ego.) that drives me?  Is it wrong to push myself this way? I also know this person who challenges me knows whether I am being honest or not.

The person who challenges me most about my decisions is – myself. My inner voice that says very often “Don’t do it!” My inner voice has impeccable timing. It waits until I am most vulnerable and weak, then it makes its argument. It waits until the weather turns while I am on an ultra-marathon and going uphill and say “You are getting too old for this.” After I suffered a stress fracture of my right knee it again whispered so that only I could hear. “See it is time to stop this nonsense. You are getting old.” I really hate that he always brings up my age.

This inner voice has good intentions. It wants to protect me from harm. It wants to keep me safe and warm. As I am running in the rain or snow it will whisper in my ear “I hear golf is a great game. Most men your age take it up.” It will point out all the possible dangers.

I will admit that sometimes I will give in to this voice or at least compromise. For example, on one tough trail race I walked the last six miles or so because of a bad pain in my ankle and rather than risk further injury I walked. On another tough race I told my inner voice don’t worry this is my last time doing this. Which I truly meant at the time. Yet when I finished and received the finishers medal my mood changed instantly and soon, I was scouring the web for another race.

That feeling of accomplishment at the end of grueling run is what keeps me going and is also my “why”. You see I have another voice in my head. (Yes, I know you are wondering how many voices do I have? No time to explain that, but for this blog it is just two.) The other voice is a dreamer. It wonders what I can do if I just try. It says you are capable of more than you think but first you have to get your butt off the couch and move. It says don’t wait for the perfect time to do something. The time to do the things you want is now. If you wait for the perfect time, you probably will really be too old.

This inner voice gets louder with every success. Even small successes. When I finished my first ultra-marathon, a 50-mile run. It was not a pretty sight. I was walking slowly at the end. Yet that finisher medal lifted my spirits. That inner voice started to shout over the careful voice. “You see you did it! You know what? I think if you did it again you would do it better.” That voice was right. I took the lessons I learned from the previous run and improved dramatically the next year. You see success breeds more success and confidence.

That inner voice also shouts when things are tough and my other protective voice is saying “You are getting old.” The daring voice is saying “You have faced these obstacles before and persevered. Just keep moving.”

We all have these two voices in our head. One that dreams and one that is protective. Now I am not saying just to listen to that daring voice that dreams. I like to think that I listen to both voices. I am daring but I am not reckless. That protective voice forces me to plan out the big challenges. I am saying listen to BOTH voices. Many of us play life safe and only listen to the protective voice. Our biggest regrets in life are not the things we did but the things we did not do. We wonder what if?

It is not easy following that daring voice because the partner on your journey as you move forward is “failure”. It is always lurking in the vicinity. You are not only facing the challenges of your decision but the possibility that you might fail. Your protective voice always says if you don’t attempt it you can’t fail. Yet you likely can’t have a great accomplishment without facing the possibility of failure.

It is funny when I began this blog I thought I knew what I wanted to say about my “why” but I found that I may have been wrong.  The biggest challenge and obstacle I face is myself. Getting over my fear of failure.  My “why” is pushing myself not to be complacent and settle for the easy path. This is a never-ending battle that happens every day. Just going out for a training run there is a battle among the two voices in my head. It is also not just about running. It occurs in many of my life’s decisions.

Do you listen to both voices?

 

 

 

Why a Kindness Run?

I was coming to the end of my 196 mile running journey. Almost 65 hours which included about four hours of sleep, constantly moving the rest of the time. What was I feeling? Surprisingly it wasn’t fatigue. No, it was a strange emotion. Tears were streaming from my eyes. The run which I had originally done to test and push my body to its limits was something more than a physical and mental challenge. It was a journey of emotions and spirituality as well. It was almost an entire life’s journey in 65 hours that had changed me. The man who started the journey at the High Point Monument in New Jersey’s Northwestern point was not the same man who ended at the Cape May Lighthouse at New Jersey’s southernmost point.

I had taken away many lessons from that journey. Some that I had already knew but were reinforced. Such as that we are capable of more than we think if we give it our all.  Also, aging does not mean slowing down. That we have to have a gritty mindset and keep moving forward even when times are tough. These are all quite traditional American principles. Yet there was one thing that surprised me. That was the power of kindness.

I always practiced kindness because that was the way I was raised as a child. Yet on this running journey I found that kindness has strength and power. Not something we associate with kindness. Every time a friend or family member drove an hour or more just to cheer us on for five minutes, it inspired me and my co-runner Anthony. When strangers who heard about our run cheered us on and encouraged us to go on it gave us strength. When an almost complete stranger who was following my run came to join us in the wee hours of the night. All because I had shown him a random act of kindness seven months before. I was feeling the power of kindness.

Yet after the run and I returned to my everyday life it was harder to see that power of kindness. That is because the cable news channels, and social media trolls, seem to hog all the attention. Even so the power was still there but so was hatred. Something that thankfully, I did not have on my run.

Practicing kindness would seem to be an easy thing to do, but in our society putting down people and being snarky are cooler. That, however, does not make kindness any less powerful just rarer. I also found on this run that people do want to believe in positive news and kindness. They just do it quietly.

When I decided to try this challenge of running the length of New Jersey a second time, this time from south to north. A bit harder feat because you end up going uphill more than in the other direction. I knew that I had to do it with that kindness lesson in mind.

When most people do an endurance challenge like this their message is the traditional American principles that you can achieve most anything you want if you believe and work hard. Also, they usually have a charity they are raising money for. I am raising money for a charity called Dylan’s Wings of Change. Yet something was gnawing at me about the kindness lesson.  It needed to be explored and promoted as well.

As I was on a morning run it came to me. I knew that I needed to ask more from the people who might be following me on this trek. Yes, I wanted them to cheer me on and donate to Dylan’s Wings. (An organization by the way, that spreads kindness.) I need to not only talk and preach about kindness but spread it. I decided that I was going ask people to perform one small act of kindness as well. This is not a hard task, I thought it would be nice if they documented it as well. That way in my tiny part of the world and my small circle of friends and family we have made it a little better place. That is why I call this journey The New Jersey Kindness Run.

If you are reading this blog and thinking of donating to my cause I hope that you perform that small act of kindness and let me know. It does not have to be big. For example, after a recent snowstorm after I was done shoveling my driveway and walkway. I went over and shoveled around my neighbor’s car. That way he could get out easier. Not a big deal, but it did make me feel better. I know that this sounds strange but before I take the first step on this running journey these small acts will inspire me. Kindness always does.

I will admit I am a little nervous about this request. Not because it is difficult for someone to do it. In fact, in my circle of friends and family there are some wonderfully kind people who are already quietly performing acts of kindness on a regular basis. It is just that they do it quietly and probably will want to keep it that way.

Yet if we spread the word a bit more, we can influence those people who keep to themselves too much. We can also change our society’s narrative a bit, that the world is place filled with hatred and negativity.  Some of us must at least try and make people feel more positive about humanity. The way I look at it, one little extra act of kindness is something this world needs a lot more of. After all it is hard to have too much kindness.

Maybe I am crazy and naïve but the only way I will find out is to ask. Please think about it. What is the worse that can happen? Someone rejects your offer. Very unlikely. No, more likely it is that you will make someone feel better. I know that it will make me feel better when I run that you did this.

Produce Jeopardy: What is a Radish?

I had a major decision to make. Do I do self-checkout or go to the cashier with my groceries. I was calculating which would be faster since I had quite a few items including produce which I hate looking up on the screen. I opted for the cashier thinking it would be faster since there was no line. It may or may not have been faster, but it certainly was more entertaining. The cashier was a young college age man who I had not seen at this store before. He was able to deftly handle the fish, meat, butter, potato chips and all those items that have a UPC Barcode.

It is when we got to the produce that things got interesting. He slowed down studying every item. He got to the parsnip and had apparently never seen one of these before. I knew what was coming. He looked at me and asked “What is this?” I said “A parsnip.” I wasn’t surprised, many a cashier is stymied by the not so common vegetables. They want oranges, apples, green beans (Preferably in a microwave bag.) and broccoli. Yet the next one surprised me. He held up my bunch of radishes and asked again “What is this?” I tried to hide my shock and dismay but calmly said “radishes”. The last item was a cucumber. He looked at it. Somewhere in the deep recesses of his brain he had seen one of these before. He was straining to remember. He looks at me and tentatively says “This is a cucumber, right?”  I smile and say “yes”.

I think he burst a button on his shirt when he got that one right. I almost “high fived” him. Maybe I should have found the manager to tell them that they should be commended for hiring such a bright young man who knew what a cucumber was. However, I just left worried about the future of our country or at least our gastronomical future.

I mean I get this often. Many a young person has no idea what certain vegetables are. I wonder what they ate their whole life to never have come upon fresh produce. Do people not cook at home anymore?

I remember years ago I was working with a woman who hated to cook and would serve her son mashed potatoes that came from a box. Yet one day her son who was in first grade looked at her and asked “Mom can you make mashed potatoes from real potatoes?” She was ashamed and scared! She would have rather he asked “Where do babies come from?”  I always wondered what happened to that young man. I hope that he broke the noncooking cycle in his family or a generation of descendants will be raised on boxed mashed potatoes. A sad thought. Tears come to my eyes just thinking about it.

The next day I am in the produce section of a different grocery store. I really don’t like buying produce at this store because it is notoriously bad. Yet I only needed two things that are common one being a green pepper.  When an older gentleman (He looked old to me but the scary part is he was about my age.) asks me “Do you know what a turnip is?”

They are right in front of him but there is no sign. I point to them. He asks “Which is a good one? Which would you buy?” I look them over. The colors are fading and all of them are brown. I picked up a couple and they are squishy. To his dismay I say “None of them. This store is known for its bad produce.”

He goes “My wife sent me out to get a root vegetable for a stew.” He was shaken. I said “Tell her some guy told you not to buy them. Trust me.” Apparently, she suggested a few other items and I showed him the rutabagas and of course the parsnips. While neither looked great they were in better shape than those turnips. I mean someone should have lost their job for leaving those turnips out.

He brings over a yucca and asks me what it is but before I could answer he turns it around and there is a sticker that says “yucca”. “Oh. Will this work?” I said “I don’t know what she is making but it probably wouldn’t. I would stick with the parsnips or the rutabaga.”

I felt like saying “How did you make it this long in life? Being so helpless around food.” I thought about him and before I walked away I was going to make a career suggestion to him. I think he has the making of a good cashier. You will be happy to know that I kept all my wise guy thoughts to myself.

Now I no longer worry about the gastronomical future of our country. It is the present that is the problem.

Sometimes Miserable Conditions are the Ideal Conditions

As I closed the back door behind me and headed to my rental car the cold rain jolted me awake. I was just happy with myself for waking up this early. It was 5AM and it was not just cold and rainy, but it was dark on this December morning. Just seven hours previously I was eating, drinking, and dancing at a wedding. Now I was shedding the suit and tie for my foul weather running gear. I plugged in the address in my GPS and hoped that it would lead me to a trail race. It was dark and I was in the state of South Carolina and had no idea where I was going. I was just obediently following the directions of Google maps. When I got to a long dirt road with a line of cars parked on the side of the road, I knew that I had arrived at the right location.

Some people may question my sanity for squeezing in an early morning trail race immediately following a festive wedding while traveling. Okay maybe a lot of people. Even my wife, when looking at the weather reports was questioning my sanity. I would be running in the dark with cold rain pelting me. Yet when I arrived at the race registration after walking down the dark road I was elated with my decision. My only regret was that I could only do a 10K. Some of these runners had been running through the night and would be completing 50 miles. I was just there for the last four laps. A lightweight boxer surrounded by heavyweight boxers.

The race was called the Longest Night Run sponsored by the Upstate Race Series in South Caroline. This was a backyard elimination race in which the runners started every twenty-five minutes and run a mile and a half. So, you had plenty of time to complete the loop. Very few people would be eliminated. I was there early so that I could see the runners who had been running all night come in a bit wearily but determined to finish. I was a bit envious of their adventure.

Yes, it was cold in the low forties with a steady rain and the enthusiastic man at the registration desk stated the course was slick and muddy. It was dark and even with my headlamp you could easily slip and fall. Yet despite those challenges I was completely ready because I had already overcome the hardest obstacle to the race. That was getting up out of a warm comfortable bed to go out into the cold rain.

Living in North Jersey I am used to running in all different types of weather from rain, sleet, and snow. From single digit temperatures to ninety degrees. While they all bring a different set of challenges, I find that they all can be overcome. While they may all have a different set of challenges, they all have the same first obstacle. That is deciding to overcome the challenges ahead of you. It is not always easy. Despite going out in all types of weather I do hesitate on some days. Pacing the house waiting for some miraculous break in the weather to make my run easier. There are always reasons not to do your run in bad weather. The mind always makes the obstacles seem more ominous than they really are.

The mind is a powerful tool in overcoming obstacles. A positive mindset is key. As I was waiting for our race to start, I was talking to another runner named Steve. He said “Once you start running than the rain doesn’t seem so bad.” He was right. It is also great to have others around you who are positive about taking on a challenge.

Yet it is the mind that sometimes either creates the obstacle or makes it seem more ominous than it really is. Like in overcoming obstacles the people around you can also help strengthen those obstacles even unknowingly. In my case a few people questioned if I was really going to do this race so early and in such bad weather. I could understand their apprehension. Getting up early in bad weather seems crazy while you are ordering another drink at the open bar. While I confidently said yes, the repeated inquiries did weaken my confidence. It is amazing how much negative energy can affect you.

However, when I arrived at the race my mindset changed completely. Let the fun begin! As the man working at the registration table joyously stated. “It is cold, rainy, muddy and dark. You are going to have a great time out there!” He was right. I was also surrounded by people who were relishing the challenge. It is maybe more amazing how positive energy can lift you up.

Once I started running I felt great. I started tentatively because I was unsure of where I was running on the trail in the dark and pretty much followed other runners. I was towards the front of the pack. At a major bend I could see a parade of headlamps behind me and it was so inspiring. To see about two hundred people running in the dark in bad weather. They were all seemingly happy like me to be in this miserable weather. In our everyday society we would have an umbrella or at least rain gear and walk with our heads down trying to survive the miserable weather. Most people’s mood would also match the weather.

When children are very young, say around the age of three, they stomp in puddles and enjoy the wet weather. Often to their mother’s chagrin. Basically, we trail runners have never matured and learned our mother’s lessons. We are still those three-year-olds stomping in the puddles.

When I was running my second loop, I remember how happy I was. I felt so alive! Ironically the thing that made me feel so alive was the miserable weather. No way I could feel this “Alive” on a treadmill! 

The only thing that dampened my spirits was that I was only doing a 10K. Maybe next year I can come back and do fifty miles, I thought.

When I got back to the house we were renting, only my wife was up. The rest were just beginning to stir. She asked me how my race was? I said that it was great. A little muddy but it was a great group. My enthusiasm was obvious. I think that she is getting used to this sixty-four-year-old man coming back from a race like a little boy. She said with a little sarcasm “Had fun spending time with your peeps!”

“Yes, Yes! I did.” I replied. More people should try and enjoy miserable weather and spending time with adult puddle splashers I thought.

 

 

 

 

 

The Journey to the Starting Line

If you want someone to be forthright and completely honest with you. Have a conversation with them while running alongside them. For some reason all those social armors that we put up to protect our own image seem to weaken when we run. So, when we are running alongside someone, we are more open and likely to express our feelings. There is also something safe in being open with another runner. You instinctively know that you are not being judged.

My cynical side believes this is why most people don’t run. It would force them to be open and honest not only with others but themselves. Then again it could be that it takes effort to run.

I know this to be true because I have run alongside many of my fellow runners and have had great conversations with them. I am always surprised at how candid we all are with each other. While I love to listen to people’s epic adventures during a race and have been known to regale others with my own adventures. What I find most fascinating and illuminating is everyone’s journey to the starting line. It is their “why”. Why did they start running and why do they still run.

The reasons are plentiful and diverse. Some to battle drug or alcohol addiction, some in reaction to a bad relationship, some in response to a chronic health condition, military veterans with PTSD, and mothers who just want to clear their head. I know this because one of the questions I always ask a runner especially on a long run is “Why are you running this race?” The stories then burst out.

My own story seemed less dramatic than everyone else’s. It was a midlife crisis and I wanted to get back in shape. I also saw old age ahead and wanted to not be feeble in my later years. However, when I delved deeper into my own motivations and really listened intently to the other runners those diverse reasons had three common themes.

One is that we had lost control of our lives. We needed to get some semblance of control. That might seem obvious for someone with addiction issues, but I could even see it even in my own life. Yes, I had a great family that I adore and a good career. Yet my life’s schedule was centered around my kid’s life and when not them, my work schedule. We all need some time for ourselves. When we run, we control the pace. If it is an hour or thirty minutes, it is time that you are a master of. In a world in which we have no control it is nice to have that control even if it is for a relatively short time.

Second, we are all striving to be a better version of ourselves. We honestly can see that we have faults, and we need to improve ourselves. This is done by getting away from the more negative and sometimes even destructive ways of dealing with our lives. I have heard often from runners that it seemed like a healthier way to combat an issue. While to an outsider it may seem that we are being selfish putting our running higher on our priority list. (I am aware that we runners can get a bit neurotic about running. Because I have myself done that. Ask my wife.) We are giving our life more structure.

Almost every race that I have been at whether it is a 5K, half-marathon, marathon, or an ultra-marathon there is someone who that race, is a defining point.  They are going to run a distance, they never have before. They have worked hard to get there. They are challenging themselves. The risk of failure is also there. Yet when they achieve their goal, they are a changed person.

Yet this better version of ourselves extends to the rest of our life. Once you feel more comfortable and content with yourself, it will extend to other relationships. I know after I completed my first ultra-marathon the feeling was amazing. The confidence that it instilled permeated into all aspects of my life.

Finally running becomes a form of mindfulness. Some people do meditation or yoga to clear their head. Others like me run. At the end of a morning run I feel like I am ready for the day. I have heard some young mothers say this alone time (alone time for a young mother is a rare commodity.) helps clear their head. You may even know a runner who gets antsy if they get out of their running routine and have not run in a while. I know when I was injured once. I was like a caged animal pacing the house needing to feel the comfort of my regular run.

It is amazing to me how running clears my head and I can see the world better. Often a solution to a work problem becomes evident or even a blog appears out of nowhere. I know that this is true for others as well.

After the race starts the journey for everyone is the same. Some runners, as was stated before may have a race that has more significance. While we may go at different speeds the terrain is the same, as is the weather. Some of us arrive well before others but the path is the same. The finish line is the same. The conversations at the end all center around the journey to that finish line.

Yet what drives all of them and even defines them was their journey to the starting line.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Running is About Much More than Fitness

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference. 

Robert Frost 

We all come to a fork in the road in our life’s journey. Actually, life’s journey is probably a series of forks from which to choose. I can distinctly remember the moment I decided to start running and getting into shape. I had come out of an all-Saturday morning meeting on a cold and wet November morning. When I got out of the conference center the cold light rain hit my face and I felt the cold immediately and was uncomfortable. I thought of my younger brothers who were doing the Tough Mudder. I was thinking they must be very cold and wet right now. The next weekend when they regaled us with the difficulty they had with the cold weather and swimming in frigid water as well as being covered from head to toe in mud. I was jealous. I wanted that same challenge! I wanted to be as miserable as they were! 

It was then that I chose which path I would take and that would be running to get in shape. I am not sure which great American philosopher I was following Robert Frost or maybe it was Yogi Berra who once said “When you come to a fork in the road take it.”. Yet I not only walked down the path I ran down it. I knew where it would lead. It would lead to being in better shape and much healthier than I was.  Maybe even a better quality of life in terms of being able to do more things physically despite the aging process. Yes it was Robert Frost I was following because not many people go into obstacle races, trail races and eventually ultra-marathons after the age of fifty. 

A funny thing happened after I went full speed into obstacle races, trail races, or any other race I could find. Yes, as expected my fitness improved and I was able to quickly increase the distances and difficulty of my runs. Yet what I didn’t expect or even think of, was that I found a community. A running community. Every race was a collection of friends who I hadn’t met yet. I began to see the same faces at races. The ultra and trail running community is a rather small community. So, we end up signing up for some of the same races. You begin to know the race directors as well since this is such a niche sport. 

I know that I am bias, but frankly it is one of the best communities I have ever had the pleasure to be a part of.  It is a community that is built on being supportive. Especially in the trail and ultra running community. I do not know anyone’s religious or political beliefs or their economic status. I can certainly guess but it really has no bearing on our relationship. We come together to push each other and challenge ourselves. 

These friendships form quickly. After running one ultra with someone you seem to be connected for life. Even if you never see them ever again you feel a connection with someone you may have run with. For example, when I did a 50k in Utah I ran the last ten miles or so with a man called Fletch and we were determined to finish together despite his legs seizing up. Another time on a trail half marathon a woman ran behind me for almost the entire race. At the end another woman runner passed me who I thought was her. However, it wasn’t. When I finished twenty yards ahead of her I turned around to greet her and congratulate her. She joked “You thought that was me passing you after trailing for eleven miles didn’t you?”  We hugged and laughed. 

With the advent of social media, we can cheer each other on, from afar. I believe it has enhanced the closeness of the community because we stay in contact with each other sharing race adventures. I may only see someone once or twice a year but I am not out of touch with their life. In fact, I have a few running friends that I correspond with that I have never met in person. Two people, in particular Richard and Cynthia I met when we were the most frequent posters on running website. When the running sight went down, we continued our conversations via email. I believe that we help motivate and inspire each other. While I have never met them, we are definitely friends. 

While most of these people I would not know if I had not taken up running, Some people in my neighborhood community and work life I would have met, Yet sharing our running interest has deepened and enhanced our relationships. 

On maybe my most epic adventure of running, almost two hundred miles from the top of New Jersey to the bottom I did it with some people I barely knew. Yet by the end of the run Ian, Robb, Anthony, Dave, and I were very close. We had worked together to accomplish what seemed like a near impossible goal. We formed a bond through being supportive and encouraging to each other. When you accomplish something as a team you are bonded for life. 

To me the essence of friendship you get from finishing something together helps explain the closeness of the running community. It is like my New Jersey run. Everyone pushing themselves to do their best and we are not only focused on our race but being supportive of other runners. This support is not faked, it is real. Which is why the finish line is so important. It is the goal for everyone. It may be even more important to the last place finisher because it was more difficult. Yet it is a place to share camaraderie. So much so that many races have some type of celebration at the end as well as give out finisher medals. We all wear our medals with pride, and they all are exactly the same because we are one community.

A couple of weeks ago my wife and I were sitting in our living room after dinner talking when our cell phones started dinging. It was two of my running communities group chats starting up. My wife who does not run, has however gotten to know many of my running friends and is on one group chat and follows many others on Facebook. She looked at me and said “It is amazing the friends and relationships we have now.” It is people we would not have known if I had not taken up running. They have all enriched my life greatly and I thank them all. 

Robert Frost was right. I took the road less traveled “And that has made all the difference”.

 

The Essence of Being and Becoming a Runner

As I approached the registration tent for this 5K I could not help but notice how different it was to the race I had competed the previous weekend. That race was a 24 hour, 100 mile or 48 hour endurance race. With the 100-mile mark on almost everyone’s goal list. This was a taco themed fun 5K to raise money for a charity. At the endurance race it was a group of runners who had set up tents for their own aid stations and were serious about logging miles. At the 5k some were dressed in costume and it was more about the comradery and less about the miles. I was thinking that there were probably very few people like me who had run over 100 miles in a race and then signed up for a 5k right after it.

At the endurance race, my goal was to hit the 100-mile mark before the 30 hour mark.  That is the usual cutoff time for a 100-mile race and when you earn a buckle which is a goal of many an ultra-runners. I met my goal rather easily. My friend Dave however, wanted to go the furthest he could in 48 hours and did 135 miles which is pretty impressive. During this race since it is a loop race you talk with other runners, and we talk about strategy and other races. We talk goals and we all encourage ourselves.

At this 5K, my tactic and goal was completely different. I would not run for a good 5K time. For this race I was not competing even against myself. It was more to show my friend Crystal support. She had asked me to join her on this 5K. I had told Crystal and her friend Heather I would run with them. Afterall Crystal was only running because of me. She had heard me speak about my experience running the length of New Jersey and was inspired to begin running again.

There were frivolities all around us and we were joking and at ease ourselves before we started. Yet when the race started both Heather and Crystal became focused. We tried to settle into a nice pace that would get us to the finish line in a respectable time. They had done a 5K about a month before and they had gone out too fast. Which I explained to them is very common even among experienced runners. The adrenaline is pumping, and you see all the other runners and you naturally speed up.  One of the things you have to learn is to block out the other runners and run your own race. Try not to get caught up in the excitement. Much easier said than done. We however did settle into a steady pace for the first mile.

At that mile mark I noticed that Heather’s breathing was irregular and that she was struggling. She soon said that she needed to walk.  She told us to go on. Crystal said she might need to walk soon too so that Heather would not feel down about walking. Yet Crystal and I continued on for another mile at the same pace. In fact, it was slightly faster than the first mile but there was a downhill in this section.  But we would be returning on that same section going uphill soon.

Crystal kept plugging along and I think the uphill slowed her down. Hills not only sap your energy physically but mentally.  When she indicated that she wanted to walk I pointed out a bend in the road and said let’s run to there. It was my way of getting her to run a little more than she would normally. Which she did. We than walked the hill and talked. She had run cross-country in high school and was now just trying to start running again. Both her and Heather are young mothers so having time for themselves is a rare occurrence. I could relate since I had raised a family. I told her my runs were times I was in control of schedule when it seems like I was in control of nothing else. I think that a lot of runners like that moment to themselves running.

We were approaching the last half mile and I said at the upcoming bend we can start running again that it is always good to run to the finish line. She agreed. This last portion of the race we ran and she pushed herself. When we crossed the finish line, she was tired. Her face was red and she sat down on the curb to catch her breath and drink some water. She had pushed herself hard. After watching her I turned around because I wanted to greet Heather at the finish line. I have found that a supportive face at the finish line makes one feel happy. I almost didn’t recognize her because she had taken her jacket off and was now in a bright blue shirt. She crossed the line with a big smile on her face. I gave her a high five. She looked strong and was only a couple of minutes behind us.

It was at this moment at the end when I saw the essence of being and becoming a runner in both of them. They both talked about their improvement from their last run and they had both pushed themselves hard and challenged themselves.  While the distance was not close to the endurance run that Dave and I had done the weekend before. The two of them had pretty much done the same thing as us. They had pushed themselves to their limits. They had analyzed their performance and how they can improve.  They also had fun as we ate our tacos and enjoyed the comradery of other runners. They were now officially runners.

I thought to myself that they don’t know it yet but they will be doing longer distances. I know that both of them will say “Ray you are crazy. This 5K is enough.” I however see a half marathon in their future. They are both very determined and focused women. They will soon conquer the 5K and will push themselves again. When Crystal finishes a half marathon or dare, I say a full marathon. I don’t know whether she will thank me or curse me. Probably both.

The other thing about being a runner is the friendships you build. Dave and I usually do a few races together in the year. We are constantly scouring the internet looking for races. It is almost an addictive behavior. We see many of the same runners at the races and every race is a very supportive environment. It is nice to be around supportive people because it pushes you challenge yourself.

Shortly after the race Crystal texted me with a link to another race and asked me if I was interested. She is definitely now a runner.