I owned every
second that this world could give
I saw so many places
The things that I did
Yeah, with every broken bone
I swear I lived
One Republic
As I sit at the keyboard, I am having a hard time because my
upper arm is in pain and when I move it, I can’t help but wince in pain. The
Ibuprofen I took, having very little effect in minimizing my pain. I look down at my feet and my one toe is all
black and blue and another is missing a toenail. On the plus side the scabs
from a recent fall on a trail run are almost gone and the blackeye from taking
a header on another trail race is just a post on Facebook now. These injuries
are the courtesy of an above average active lifestyle of running and, in the
summer playing volleyball.
While I do my best to avoid injuries, I am not always very
successful. They happen fairly often though they are usually just small things
that just slow me down and do not stop me. It happens often enough that on my
way out of the house for trail race or volleyball game my wife’s loving words
of encouragement are not “Good luck. I know you will crush it!” oh no.
It is the words “Don’t come home hurt.” Which she says in the same tone
as when she would lecture our kids when they were five years old about negative
behavior.
So obviously the hardest part about these injuries is
telling my wife. Because I know she will not be sympathetic. No because as she
says “No sympathy for stupidity!” It is her time to be a bit smug and
without saying the words but letting me know “I told you so.”
I am sure you are wondering why a man now in his sixties
would still do activities that have a high probability of causing injury or
some type of pain? While also to make matters worse, will get no sympathy from
his family.
Sometimes I ask myself the same question but in a different
way. What I will ask myself is “Are you still up to this challenge? and “Are
you too old for the challenge?” Finally, “Is it worth the risk?”
Obviously, the answer so far is to keep pushing myself.
When you are pushing yourself as much as you can injuries
and pain are inevitable. They are small obstacles put in your path to challenge
you. They can also make you smarter because they are learning opportunities,
the more I run the more I try and avoid injuries learning from past mistakes. I
obviously am a slow learner as my missing toenails, swollen feet, and black
eyes attest to.
Yet I don’t believe that you can live life fully unless you
are fully engaged. Often that means a rugged trail race or ultra marathon. Yet
it does not have to be an athletic or physical activity. It could be
professional or personal. Think about a promotion that you did not get that you
tried for. Think about when you were younger (Actually any age.) and you said “I
love you.” And it was not reciprocated. I have experienced those bruises
too. Frankly they hurt more than a missing toenail or blackeye.
When I was in the last few miles of running almost
two-hundred miles from the top of New Jersey to the bottom, my friend Kevin who
was running alongside me and was playing music to keep us motivated and
inspired asked what song would I like? I asked for an usual song that was not “Eye
of the Tiger” or “We are the Champions!” or any other traditional
hard driving song. No, I asked for “I Lived” by One Republic.
This is not their biggest hit, but it speaks to me. The lines “Yeah, with
every broken bone -I Swear I Lived.” Is how I look at not just attacking my
running, but attacking life itself. You go all out. You push yourself.
That is because you do not know what you are capable of unless you try. Inevitably you will fall or get hurt either physically or emotionally. It is not pleasant but at least it is a sign that you are giving it your all.
On my most recent trail race I took five falls. A personal
high. On the last one it was a complete header. I face-planted and my glasses were
hanging on one ear the water bladders flew from my vest. I slowly got up and
tried to regain my composure. Another runner came up behind me and she had
witnessed my ungraceful display of agility. She helps me gather my stuff up and
offered me some sympathy. Obviously, the runner was not my wife.
I continued on, slightly in pain and with the beginning of a
blackeye. Several miles from the finish I passed another runner who was now
walking. I asked how he was doing. He said “I fell three times and decided
to walk it in because it was not worth an injury.” I remained quiet and did
not tell him my haphazard running experience. I know that if my wife heard that
two struggling runners met and one played it safe and walked it in and one
disregarded the obstacles and pain and pushed on quickly. She would know which
one was her husband. The stupid one.
Yet when I crossed the finish line, I was exhausted and
almost immediately my body stiffened up. All the adrenaline was gone and
walking to the car I looked like an eighty-year-old man. My muscles cramped
slightly as I slowly eased my way into my car. I was exhausted and in pain. A
common occurrence after a race like this. Yet despite all that I felt so alive.
The song started playing in my head “Yeah, with every broken bone -I Swear I
Lived.” I have the scars to prove it.
