I had heard my cell phone ring in the other room but I didn’t get up. I was engrossed in a baseball game and was not expecting any calls. I would check later, probably a phone solicitation. However later in the night when I went to check I was intrigued because I saw the number was from Cincinnati and there was a message. Could it be I thought to myself my friend Richard?
I eagerly listened to the message. At first there was silence,
but I knew that someone was there. It was not the delay of a phone solicitor.
Then there was voice a little weak and definitely an older man. He started off by saying “Ray this is an
apologetic old guy.” Yes, it was Richard! I was so excited! It was like
putting a message in a bottle and floating it out to sea and getting a reply.
My excitement, however, was quickly replaced by sadness when in his short
message he uttered the words “My expiration date is getting closer.” I was saddened but not shocked about my 97-year-old
friend.
The written word can have tremendous power. This is
especially true when two people correspond with each other. We sometimes forget
that in this digital world in which short texts and emojis are the more common
forms of staying in touch with others. You see Richard and I, along with our
friend Cynthia and sometimes Debby was active in a chatroom on a website about
running. For years we were the primary
people posting on the website. Looking back, others probably did not post as
much because it seemed like a private conversation. Our conversations went on
for years. Yes, we were different ages and different runners. Richard was a master
track and field star amassing more medals than you can imagine. Cynthia was
also a dancer entering master competitions. Richard would share his medals from
the track meets and Cynthia would share her elegant dance videos. For my part I
would regale them with muddy trail races and ultra marathons. While we never
met in person, we somehow really connected with each other, not just as names
on chatroom but as individuals. We were very supportive of each other.
I never had a pen pal when I was a kid, but I am guessing it is almost a 21st century version of that. When the running website went down, we were all upset on how we couldn’t stay in touch with each other. It was that important to us. Cynthia and I were on Facebook, but Richard wasn’t. I forgot how but Richard and I had each other’s email address, and we added Cynthia to our email correspondence. The gang was back together. Later Debby joined us.
Yet suddenly Richard’s correspondence stopped. He did not
respond to our emails. His last one was also a mix of words and no complete
sentences. I also noticed that he was a no show to the last track meet. I was
worried. Richard had at one time sent me a snail mail letter with an article
about his running which was amazing for someone in his 90’s. I kept his letter
with the return address and decided to mail him a letter. I was worried that he was not in good health.
To be safe I also addressed the envelope with his name and his daughter’s name
on it. He had at one time sent me a link to a news story about his family which
was his wife and daughter. To him I expressed how much I missed his
correspondence. To his daughter I tried to explain who this stranger was that
was sending a letter from New Jersey.
Lo and behold the letter worked and he had called me.
What do you say to a dear friend that you had never met or
even spoken to? Despite this seemingly noncontact situation he meant a lot to
me. We had shared successes. We had encouraged each other, and we exchanged down
times. Richard had inspired me by the way he attacked aging. He did it with joy
and determination. Before this letter exchange I had even written a blog about
how Richard had inspired me called Finding
my Roger Bannister for Being Old.
While I was nervous dialing his number, once he answered the
phone it was easy. After all we were long time friends. Unseen friends but
friends none the less. He told me that he had some health issues and that he
would not be running anymore. I thought of saying “yes you will.” But I knew
that he was probably soft pedaling the issues and that this phone call was his
way of thanking and saying goodbye to friends. He hinted at that when we spoke.
I did call him again and we had a great conversation. I also
found out that while I called him Richard everyone else called him Dick. Then a
few weeks later I tried calling a couple of times but got no answer. I had
finished a hundred-mile trail run and was excited to share the adventure with
him. Yet I couldn’t reach him.
A week later his daughter texted me and says that her father
had passed. I texted and called her with my condolences. For some reason I felt
an immediate connection with her. It was the shared love of her father.
I have very few regrets in my life and almost all of them
are of things that I did not do. One of them was visiting Richard. Just to run
or walk with him. At least I got to talk to him.
You may be thinking “Ray I think that you are over blowing this
relationship with someone you never met.” The reason is simple. Richard
inspired me, he encouraged me, and he made me a better person. There are many
people I see in person on a regular basis who do none of that. I am a better
person for knowing Richard, even if it was not in person.
Goodbye Richard and thank you.
