Why a Kindness Run?

I was coming to the end of my 196 mile running journey. Almost 65 hours which included about four hours of sleep, constantly moving the rest of the time. What was I feeling? Surprisingly it wasn’t fatigue. No, it was a strange emotion. Tears were streaming from my eyes. The run which I had originally done to test and push my body to its limits was something more than a physical and mental challenge. It was a journey of emotions and spirituality as well. It was almost an entire life’s journey in 65 hours that had changed me. The man who started the journey at the High Point Monument in New Jersey’s Northwestern point was not the same man who ended at the Cape May Lighthouse at New Jersey’s southernmost point.

I had taken away many lessons from that journey. Some that I had already knew but were reinforced. Such as that we are capable of more than we think if we give it our all.  Also, aging does not mean slowing down. That we have to have a gritty mindset and keep moving forward even when times are tough. These are all quite traditional American principles. Yet there was one thing that surprised me. That was the power of kindness.

I always practiced kindness because that was the way I was raised as a child. Yet on this running journey I found that kindness has strength and power. Not something we associate with kindness. Every time a friend or family member drove an hour or more just to cheer us on for five minutes, it inspired me and my co-runner Anthony. When strangers who heard about our run cheered us on and encouraged us to go on it gave us strength. When an almost complete stranger who was following my run came to join us in the wee hours of the night. All because I had shown him a random act of kindness seven months before. I was feeling the power of kindness.

Yet after the run and I returned to my everyday life it was harder to see that power of kindness. That is because the cable news channels, and social media trolls, seem to hog all the attention. Even so the power was still there but so was hatred. Something that thankfully, I did not have on my run.

Practicing kindness would seem to be an easy thing to do, but in our society putting down people and being snarky are cooler. That, however, does not make kindness any less powerful just rarer. I also found on this run that people do want to believe in positive news and kindness. They just do it quietly.

When I decided to try this challenge of running the length of New Jersey a second time, this time from south to north. A bit harder feat because you end up going uphill more than in the other direction. I knew that I had to do it with that kindness lesson in mind.

When most people do an endurance challenge like this their message is the traditional American principles that you can achieve most anything you want if you believe and work hard. Also, they usually have a charity they are raising money for. I am raising money for a charity called Dylan’s Wings of Change. Yet something was gnawing at me about the kindness lesson.  It needed to be explored and promoted as well.

As I was on a morning run it came to me. I knew that I needed to ask more from the people who might be following me on this trek. Yes, I wanted them to cheer me on and donate to Dylan’s Wings. (An organization by the way, that spreads kindness.) I need to not only talk and preach about kindness but spread it. I decided that I was going ask people to perform one small act of kindness as well. This is not a hard task, I thought it would be nice if they documented it as well. That way in my tiny part of the world and my small circle of friends and family we have made it a little better place. That is why I call this journey The New Jersey Kindness Run.

If you are reading this blog and thinking of donating to my cause I hope that you perform that small act of kindness and let me know. It does not have to be big. For example, after a recent snowstorm after I was done shoveling my driveway and walkway. I went over and shoveled around my neighbor’s car. That way he could get out easier. Not a big deal, but it did make me feel better. I know that this sounds strange but before I take the first step on this running journey these small acts will inspire me. Kindness always does.

I will admit I am a little nervous about this request. Not because it is difficult for someone to do it. In fact, in my circle of friends and family there are some wonderfully kind people who are already quietly performing acts of kindness on a regular basis. It is just that they do it quietly and probably will want to keep it that way.

Yet if we spread the word a bit more, we can influence those people who keep to themselves too much. We can also change our society’s narrative a bit, that the world is place filled with hatred and negativity.  Some of us must at least try and make people feel more positive about humanity. The way I look at it, one little extra act of kindness is something this world needs a lot more of. After all it is hard to have too much kindness.

Maybe I am crazy and naïve but the only way I will find out is to ask. Please think about it. What is the worse that can happen? Someone rejects your offer. Very unlikely. No, more likely it is that you will make someone feel better. I know that it will make me feel better when I run that you did this.

Running with Guilt and Butterflies

It was a couple of days after I had finished running the length of New Jersey from the top, the High Point Monument in the Northwest corner of the state, to the Cape May Lighthouse in the Southeast an almost two hundred mile journey. I was pretty proud of myself. After all not too many people could accomplish that feat especially at the age of 62. Yet it was not lost on me that my crew team was lead by Ian Hockley. Ian had become a good friend and I loved him like a brother but I wish I had never met him and that I didn’t know him. Ian’s son Dylan was one of the twenty students lost in the Sandy Hook school shooting. I met him through work when he was a keynote speaker at our convention. This uneasy feeling rose up again after the school shooting in Uvalde, Texas. School shootings are senseless acts of violence.

Yet I can’t shake the pangs of guilt I have about enjoying my run and sharing laughs and even a drink with Ian knowing the relationship is all built on a senseless death. Even my running partner for the New Jersey run, Anthony, was built on school shootings. I did not know Anthony but a mutual friend Tom introduced us. Tom and I had collaborated numerous times on school security programs for school districts to prepare them for a school shooting.

My achievement and joy was in many ways built on senseless deaths of students. I know if I had the power I would trade my achievement away to bring back the lives of any students or teachers who were victims in a school shooting.

Robb Armstrong, Ian Hockley, myself, and Anthony Certa before starting our New Jersey Run.

In a conversation with a reporter before the run it was brought up that I was attempting something that few people could do. I acknowledged that fact, but added “That is true but Ian is doing something that I don’t think I could do. He is taking his pain and anger and focusing his energy on building something positive for kids.” I am not sure I could do that if it was my son or daughter that was killed so tragically. I like to think that I would but I am not sure. I could easily direct my energy on issues that anger me. What he is doing is more amazing.

Like a lot of runners I will regularly run for a charity. This run was also a fundraiser for Ian’s charity Dylan’s Wings of Change. They do social emotional learning programs in schools trying to improve a schools climate and culture.

As I ponder my conflicting feelings I thought of the mantra that governs Dylan’s Wings of Change. It is the Butterfly Effect. Which is how just small changes can accumulate with massive effect. Like a butterfly flapping its wings can cause a hurricane winds across the world.  It was inspired by Dylan’s mom seeing him flapping his arms when he was young and asking him what he was doing. He said that he was a butterfly.

While Dylan’s Wings of Change focuses on kids, the Butterfly Effect goes beyond kids. It effected me there is no way I could have finished or even attempted the run without Ian and Anthony not to mention Robb who is also affiliated with Dylan’s Wings of Change. So that small boy flapping his wings many years ago led to a 62 year old man pushing himself to his limits and running 196 miles.

Even during the run I felt the Butterfly Effect.  Friends, family, and even strangers came out to cheer Anthony and I on. They also donated to Dylan’s Wings of Change. They liked the idea that an individual was pushing himself to his limits for a good and positive cause. One woman even said that to me at a crowd that was gathered to greet us. “It was so good to see something so positive and uplifting.” I think that she was also alluding to the negative news that seems to all around us these days.

It was a bit overwhelming emotionally when you are feeling the power of the Butterfly Effect. The last few miles of the journey, I was very ineffectively trying to hold back tears.

It is also very overwhelming emotionally to observe another school shooting on the news. It also saddens me that our government seems incapable and some might even say unwilling to do anything about it. What can an individual do in this situation especially when the government is inept?

We can start small.  The Butterfly Effect does not demand large acts but small acts of kindness and positive energy. In our own community, we can start something that improves the climate and culture of our local schools. Obviously making all our kids having a safe space is important and maybe if we can prevent one troubled youth to seek help that will make a huge difference.

I also find that when a group of people start practicing acts of kindness it tends to build on itself and multiply to others. So, I do not see any downside to spreading kindness. Ian has modeled this by enriching students and adults lives, including mine with his relentless positive actions.

I know that for some reason mentioning anything to do with gun reform is a nonstarter for some people, but I am sure everyone would want a system that keeps guns out of the hands of people with mental and emotional problems.

If we all do a little, maybe we can prevent even unknowingly a senseless act of violence. In a strange way, it might be the only time preventing future friendships is a good thing.