Recognize those Kindness Opportunities

Sometimes practicing what you preach is not always easy. I have recently been preaching that we should all practice the act of kindness more. It was one of my lessons from my first run of the length of New Jersey from its most Northern point the High Point Monument to the Southern at the Cape May Lighthouse. I am again attempting this feat though in reverse from South to North and this time even naming my attempt the New Jersey Kindness Run.

Yet while it seems easy to practice kindness especially with family and friends, often it takes a little extra effort. This is especially true with people you do not know well or who are complete strangers. That is why it stands out. Yet opportunities arise often and almost always unexpectedly.  Those are the times that more is demanded of you. It means doing a little extra.

Those of you who know me know that I love ultra and trail running because it pushes me to do more. Well kindness is the same way. It is not always the easiest path. Yet like running, the rewards are just as significant if not greater. Let me give you an example.

I was working at maybe my favorite type of program at work. It is called the “Unsung Hero” program where we honor students who fly under the radar but inspire their fellow students and even their staff with their ability to overcome obstacles and remain positive. They also are also almost always ambassadors of kindness.

In any case I was called over because the mother and the grandmother of one of the girls being honored had an issue. The grandmother was in a wheelchair and they were going to place them with the other wheelchair attendees which was in the middle of the auditorium but there was an issue. The mother looked at me and said “I am deaf but can’t read sign language (We had a sign language interpreter on stage.) but I read lips. What can you do?”  I immediately looked to the front of the auditorium to see if there were empty seats in the front row. I spied a few and immediately started saying “Yes I will move you to the front row.” When I realized that I wasn’t looking at her so she had no idea what I was saying. I am just a bustling ball of energy using exaggerated body language and not always looking at the person I am talking to. A bad habit I know but, in this case, horrible. While it was an instinctive response I still beat myself up over my lapse.

I quickly gained hold of my senses and looked her in the eye and told her that I have some seats in the front row. I have to admit when you have to stop and look someone in the eye to talk to them without doing anything else there is more of a connection with that person. I felt that with her and knew I had to help her so that she could see her daughter being honored. So, I sat her in the front row with her mother next to her. Not directly in front of the podium but in the front row off to the side. I was rather proud of myself for solving that problem.

Maybe because it was because of talking to her eye to eye, when I had a moment, when I was not doing something for the program. I looked up to the podium to see what I could see from the speakers. Specifically, if I could see their lips. Since I was standing in her vicinity, I was curious about reading lips. To my surprise, while I could see the speakers lip some of the time, the lighting was difficult and the distance and angle made it difficult to see their lips.

So, I walked over to her and looked her in the eyes and said “can you read their lips?” She politely gave a gesture that it was so-so. I didn’t have to read minds then to know that she was struggling.

This was my kindness opportunity. Yes, I had done a lot. Maybe even more than most people. Yet she needed more. We had time since her daughter was not scheduled to be honored until later in the program but I wanted her to enjoy the entire program. So, my coworker and I then moved her to a seat that had been vacated right near the podium. We put her grandmother right up front in front of her. They then enjoyed the program.

I am not telling this story to pat myself on the back. No, but to say that opportunities to show kindness just appear without warning. We really can’t go searching for them. My first act of moving her up front may seem like an act of kindness, but it was really just doing my job. It is when you put yourself in someone else’s position, is when the kindness opportunities arise. When I attempted to read lips on my own.

After the program was over and people were enjoying some refreshments and leaving I saw the woman as she was leaving. She looked at me and said “Thank you” and we hugged and said good bye. We did not know each other’s names and will almost certainly never see each other again. That moment we hugged made me feel so good.

I have written about the power of a finisher medal in races. It makes the pain and difficulty of a race go away. You then start thinking of signing up for another race. That moment with that woman was my finisher medal. When someone thanks you for that act of kindness it makes you feel better about yourself. It doesn’t need to be as dramatic a thank you as our hug was. Maybe just a smile or a nod. It will still have the same effect.

I can tell you with certainty, that kindness opportunities will arise. They may require a little extra effort but when they do. Take advantage of them. You will thank me later.