I Need Running to get Through the Pandemic

The pain in my chest and lungs was not excruciating but it was very bothersome because of the anxiety it was causing me.  Earlier in the day I had taken my first run since what I thought was recovering fully from COVID-19.  I had felt this tightness before while in the throes of COVID and I was wondering if I had pushed myself to fast.  Even worse, I was wondering if a permanent effect of the virus would be that I could not run anymore.  There were reports that people who suffered from COVID were having long-term effects.  “What if I couldn’t run anymore?” I thought to myself. The thought terrified me.  My life has been a whirl of physical activity and if that was taken away from me I would also lose part of my identity.

Luckily, that was not the case and slowly yet steadily I got back to normal and even to the point where I logging more miles than normal.  In fact running was the one thing that has really helped me get through the pandemic so far.  With this pandemic, almost every normal activity is different and things I did without a second thought now seem complicated.  My regular life routine, literally changed overnight.  I no longer commuted every day to work.  My work became completely remote and the time I spent in person with people vanished and became virtual.  Large family and other social gatherings disappeared.  The holidays came and went with very little fanfare.  I have not hugged, kissed, or even extended a hand for a handshake to family and friends with the exception of my wife.

Even shopping is complicated.  I feel like such a rebel walking the wrong way down the cereal aisle in the supermarket.

However, my running routines have not changed with the exception that they are more consistent and a little longer courtesy of working from home and eliminating my 90 minute commute to work.  I was always a solo runner so my runs were always practices of social distancing.  The morning run that clears my head and gets my body ready for the day has not changed except that I appreciate it much more now. In a world in which I have very little control, if any, on the events that surround my life I still have control over my running routine. It is nice to have that little bit of control in a world that seems out of control.

I am not sure how other runners feel at this time.  I look at various running websites and social media sites and I know that the one thing that they all miss are the various races that we sign up for every year.  Sometimes those races give us motivations to train and push ourselves.  Maybe some runners have cut back because they have no race in front of them but not me.  I am training harder than ever before.  That is because I no longer taking running, fitness or good health for granted.  I am not training for a race but for life with activity.  I also know that at age sixty-one being able to run long distances is a blessing that I do not want to waste.

That is not to say I don’t miss my trail races, I do, and in fact when we had a short opening for larger outdoor events I did five races in three months.  These were no 5ks either, the first I did was a 50k ultramarathon, followed by a series of half marathons and one ten miler.  I could not truly say I was back until I finished a long race.  I love the race scene and find it so addictive that I seemed to do at least one a month. Yet if the world of racing stopped (Which it has at times) I would still run.

When the pandemic first started, I ran a little extra to hopefully prevent COVID-19 or at least make me asymptomatic. That obviously did not work but I do believe my fitness helped me recover more fully. I run now not just to prove I am back but with a new purpose. I am training for a life after the pandemic. Yet we are still in a pandemic and that new life will have to wait. It’s funny that as I run during this pandemic the only time it really does not feel like a pandemic is when I put one foot in another.  For that reason and that reason alone, I need running to get through this pandemic. I wonder if other runners feel the same?

 

 

 

 

 

COVID Dreams or the Lack Thereof

 

“The future ain’t what it used to be”

Yogi Berra

I am reading the book Cork Boat by John Pollack, which takes place at the turn of the century 2000 -01 and is about a man who leaves his job to pursue building a boat made of cork.  It is a true story and a great read.  The first thing that struck me however was a how dated and different the world looked back not that long ago in respects to one’s dreams.  While John Pollack’s was a big dream and while his dream was also in very uncertain the world, what he based his dream on was very certain.  He could count on restaurants being open to supply him his corks. A world where one could travel from state to state without thinking about it. A world where live music was a regular thing.  A world in which wearing a mask was a strange oddity. A world I lived in less than a year ago.

As I read the book I look up at my calendar with grandiose pictures of Zion National Park.  I have a small dream compared to Mr. Pollack.  I want to run a 50k trail race near Zion National Park next year.  Now normally in past years traveling to Utah and running a race is a simple act all you need to do is register for the race, find a place to stay and book a flight. This can all be done with a few clicks of a mouse.   The hard part is finishing the race.  This year however anything in the future is not a sure or simple thing.  I signed up for this race this past April and COVID-19 not only cancelled the race but grounded me at the same time.  Would this happen again I thought.

It is not however missing a race that is the issue.  It is that the future itself is hard to grasp.  I have a hard time thinking of the near future with any certainty.  I know the future was never guaranteed but even simple plans now seem complicated and uncertain. The landscape before us seems continually changing every day and with it the rules to live by, also changing.  It is as if a big pause button has been hit for our lives.

I am one of those people who is always looking ahead to the next adventure, moment, and challenge.  I am an optimist and feel that a happy moment is just around the corner.  That is until now.  Yes, I am very optimistic especially with the positive news about a vaccine, that our nation will overcome this pandemic but I am just unsure of when.

I have taken to living in the present moment. Not looking back to often, and not looking too far into the future either.  It has served me well.  I am able to enjoy my work, my runs, and being home with my family.  While it keeps me from getting too wistful about the past or from fretting too much about making plans for the future, it does come at a cost. 

The cost is that time almost becomes irrelevant as the days, weeks, months, and holidays all pass by with very little excitement or even a difference.  Luckily, I live in a four season area so at least the background changes from spring to summer to fall which helps me keep some semblance of perspective on time.

The other cost is that it is hard to dream.  Dreams need time to be nurtured until they come to fruition.  I don’t mean near impossible dreams of maybe becoming a movie star or professional athlete but let’s not kid ourselves even those dreams are affected.  I mean the everyday dreams we all have of such as large celebrations like retirements, weddings, and family gatherings.  It is hard to plan those events when you can’t find a facility to hold them and even with social distancing protocols some people are too fearful to attend.  I know of people who just got married with very little fanfare because there were too many unknowns in planning a wedding ceremony and reception.

My own family, which relishes a big holiday get together for Christmas, is hesitant on really making plans.  This is for two reasons, first my mother is 93 years old so we are very cautious and second, cases are beginning to rise sharply again and there is a almost a certainty that another spike is emerging.  We will wait and see how things unfold.

I have compared this pandemic to surviving an ultra-marathon of which I have done five.  One of the tricks I used and recommended was to break the race into segments and move from aid station to aid station, not thinking of the overall magnitude of completing fifty or one hundred miles.  While I am using that trick during this pandemic moving from week to week, I know that there is a major flaw in my analogy.  While an ultra-marathon is long and grueling, it does have a designated end.  This pandemic does not.  I am moving steadily from aid station to aid station but no one knows where the finish line is. The miles keep piling up and I am wondering how long I will have to run.

I did however last summer permit myself to dream a little bit.  As I said I signed up again for a 50k trail race near Zion National Park.  I however only dipped my toes in the water I did not dive in head first into the future on this dream.  I just registered for the race and booked a place to stay.  I did not scour the website looking for things to do or book a flight.  I can’t fully commit to my dream because the future is so uncertain and frankly I don’t want to be too disappointed if my dream fizzles because of COVID-19. Is it truly a dream if you cannot commit to it completely?

Optimism however, does not die easily.  I after all did register for the race.  While I did it with some trepidation I am still training for the race and recently started exploring trails to hike in the National Park as well as other sites to see. However, I am still holding back. My wife is even more reluctant to commit.  After all while optimism does not die easily, neither does COVID-19 go away easily.

This is one of the hidden symptoms of COVID-19 even if you are not one of those who buys into it’s danger, it eats at our optimism slowly.  Taking away our future plans, or at least eroding our enthusiasm for building up events.  That battle between my natural optimism and the canceling or altering of fun celebrations rages within me. We spend countless hours discussing if we should get together and how we can get together for the holiday.

In the meantime I will continue running this COVID-19 Ultra.  Living in the present and going from aid station to aid station every week.  That is until one day it will not be an aid station but a finish line.  After all I am still a dreamer.

 

 

 

 

 

  

Inspirational Strangers on the Move

We all love inspirational stories and we desperately seek out these inspirational stories. One of my favorite movies is Remember the Titans because I find it so inspirational.  What makes the movie special is because at the end you say to yourself “and it is a true story”, which in itself makes it more unbelievable and inspiring.

We all seek out inspiration.  We attend religious services weekly hoping to hear a good uplifting and meaningful sermon. During this difficult time we need all the inspiration we can get.

Inspirational people and stories are not found just on the big screen or at a Sunday service.  Inspirational people are all around us if we just take the time to listen and watch.  In fact those inspirational people of everyday life are more impactful than any found on the big screen.

If you read a previous blog post you know I fell into running as a way to get back into shape with a very short term and limited perspective.  It was all about me and nothing else.  Yet something happened to me along the way that caught me pleasantly off guard.  I met and saw total strangers who inspired me just by being in their presence.  It seems everyone comes to a race, particularly the longer and more grueling races, with a story and most go untold.  

It is funny I am inspired by people who’s names I do not even know, but their determination and courage inspired me to keep going during difficult times.  My encounter with them was very brief and I know it was of no significance to them.  Here are two that have stayed with me.

It was at just before the start of a Spartan Race when the starter told us two stories. One was about a man who had brain cancer and a couple of months before he died he completed a Spartan.  Not to be callous or anything, while that was a great story and it moved me, it did not inspire me because I did not see the person and it was just a story.  

Then he told us that as we ran this race we would see a woman on the race who had brittle bone disease and who could get seriously hurt with any fall.  He ended by saying there might come a time we want to quit and that our excuse would have to surpass theirs.  I knew at that moment I would finish the race.

For those of you unfamiliar with the Spartan Races, they are brutal obstacle courses that test your strength and endurance by lifting and carrying heavy objects such as buckets of gravel, sandbags, or dragging blocks around.  So completing this when healthy is a feat but doing it in the final stages of cancer or with any chronic disease is amazing.  To top it all off, it is on ski slope so it is all hills and more demanding.

After that inspirational sendoff, I started the race and completely forgot about that woman. As I continued on the race, I was in my own world when I stumbled upon this woman on a rugged part of the hill moving very slowly with a group of people.  She was weaker than the other participants that was obvious.  I then heard people shouting words of encouragement to her.  She was obviously struggling like we all were but she waved to everyone and smiled broadly.  I remember the smile in the face of danger.  I realized then she was the woman with brittle bone disease and I too yelled encouragement and as I continued on the race, I felt stronger just seeing her effort.  If she could give that much of an effort so can I.  This race was years ago but she is still with me even though I saw her for only 30-40 seconds.

Spartan Race

In the winter I usually do a couple of half marathons with the NJ Trail Series.  These are beautiful but rugged trail races with many hills so there is a lot of up and down on these rough trails.  To top it all off, it is in January and February so it is always cold, sometimes bitterly cold. One year I started a race when the temperature was at “0” degrees.  This race was also cold in the 20’s and before the start we are all jumping up and down and moving our arms in order to stay warm.  I like people watching at races because it is always an interesting cast of characters.  I looked over and I saw a pretty young woman with one of those Norwegian ski hats with the braids coming down, but what struck me was that she had on eye black like a football player going into battle.  Not only that, but she had the biggest smile, she was almost giddy.

Once again, I went off on my race enjoying this familiar trail on this cold day.  On this half marathon you do two loops and I was coming to the end of my second loop about a mile and the half from the finish line when I came up to the woman and her boyfriend moving slowly, she had crutches.  We exchanged encouraging words and she was still smiling broadly.

When I got to the finish line the race director asked me where they were and I told him and I added that she is moving very slowly.  I asked what her story was and he said he didn’t have the complete story but she was in a serious car accident and couldn’t really run and was still recovering.  

I was a bit worried about her but assumed that she would just stop at the halfway point and take a time for the 10k.  The next day I checked my time and place and then realized that there were two people who were four hours behind the last finisher and it was them.  She had done the entire half marathon in the cold and I should point out that she was in the cold pretty much all day.  I couldn’t believe her courage and determination, while the rest of us were between 90 minutes and 3 hours she was almost 6 hours behind the next to last finisher.

I am pretty sure that neither woman was thinking about inspiring other people.  They were dealing with their own medical and health issues.  That is the funny thing about racing and going all out, in inspires people.  I have had a few people come up to me who have seen my race posts and say literally you inspire me and I am now starting to exercise.  My thought is “Me? What am I overcoming that would inspire you?” Then it hit me, what they are really saying is that if an old guy like you can do it than I can too. 

What stands out about these two women is that despite attempting an event that they both knew would push them to their limits they were smiling.  You can’t push yourself to your limits and achieve without a positive mind set and nothing is more positive than a smile.

This may be what I miss most about races that were cancelled due to the pandemic, the opportunity to see people who are pushing themselves to their limit.  There is almost always someone there doing whatever race distance it is for the first time.  While I have done virtual races to keep running it is not the same.

Yes, you can go to Hollywood for inspiration or a TV evangelist but for me go to obstacle race, half marathon, or even a 10K and I know you will find it up close and personal.  You will learn that inspiration is all around you and that it doesn’t take long to absorb it.  You will also learn that it will change you. It will push you more and make you a more positive person.

Reversing Routines and Seeing New Perspectives on Race

I am always amazed at how two people can have completely different perspectives and experiences with the same incident.  There are times when you hear two people describe the same occasion and if you didn’t know that it was the same occasion you would have thought it was two different ones. I was shocked recently when I changed up a regular running routine and began to see things from a new and somewhat uncomfortable perspective.    It also made me better understand, the perspective of others on the issue of race.

It was a perfectly innocent change in my routine not one that I thought would not make much of a difference but it did teach me a lesson.

On most weekends, I do the same long trail run in a nearby park.  The run is 8-10 miles so I zigzag almost every mile of the park.  I have been doing it for years and feel I know every tree, rock, and curve on the path. Like most people, I am a creature of habit and always go in the same direction.  One day I decided to reverse my course and go in the opposite direction.  Almost immediately, the run felt strange.  While there were some spots that felt the same because they were wide and flat, much of the trail felt completely new.  I could not recognize much of it.  The park that I thought I knew like the back of my hand was a strange land.  My Garmin at the end of my run had the same distance and elevation change but it was not the same trail. All because I came at it from a different perspective.

This got me to thinking that we all look at something from the same perspective, our own perspective.  We can live in the same community, shop in the same stores, and eat in the same restaurants, but our perspectives may be vastly different about our communities.  Different perspectives can be illuminating yet they can also be very divisive. Maybe there is no better example of that, then the perspective of the police and law enforcement in that of the black and white community.

I always looked at the police as my protectors and in my small hometown, I grew up knowing many of them by first name.  That view was held not just in my hometown but for all police officers.  Once in the early 1980’s I was lost in the City of Newark trying to visit a friend in the hospital and seemed to be heading into a tough neighborhood.  I was a bit worried until I came upon a police car and asked for help.  The officer was courteous and helped me get on my way.  He was as I always thought, my protector.

Not too long after that I was fresh out of college and our manager at our store was holding a work party for his staff up in Sussex County, New Jersey.  A county which was very rural and one which was not very diverse in it demographics back then and even today.  Our assistant manager, Charles, who was African American would be the lead car for all of us (This was in the days long before GPS and directions were hand-written) and it was about ten cars.  Once we crossed into Sussex County and the roads narrowed Charles slowed down greatly driving ten to fifteen miles below the speed limit.  It took us forever to get to the managers home.  We all laughed because we thought that he was afraid to lose us.  I was kidding him about how slow he was driving and he confessed to me that as a black man he could not take a chance with the police, particularly in this area. I was a bit taken back, because that is something I could not fathom, and I had to respect Charles because he was a hard working family man who was very straight-laced.

This was the first time I came across anyone who thought differently about police officers, but it would not be the last.  There were several times over the years in which an African American in just a casual conversation brought these incidents up not because we were talking about race or anything, but that it was a way of life. 

I remember one time vividly, because we were discussing where to hold a meeting and the one African-American gentleman Art, suggested a location in an urban area.  I mentioned that the attendees from the suburbs may be reluctant to go to that area and we were trying to get as many people to attend as possible.  He shot back at me “Ray, I am tired of that excuse. Do you know that I get pulled over almost every time I enter ______ town!”  Now Art was a very religious, respected community man, and I did not know anyone who thought otherwise.  Lesson learned on my part.

As our country once again has a heated national conversation on race, often centered on police encounters, I think back to all these conversations.  While the Black Lives Matter movement seems new to many in the white community, It has been fermenting for some time.  I think that with advent of social media and video clips of incidents, gas was added to the fire and a match was lit.

All these moments came flooding back to me on my “reverse run” about the different perspectives on race.  Interestingly enough, I have tried to make it a habit that I reverse my route to see if I can change my perspective and feel comfortable on the route.  However, while some parts do feel comfortable, there are still parts I feel like it is a strange new park.  This is another lesson.  No matter how much I think I can understand the perspective of someone black, I have to understand I am white so my understanding can only go so far.

There was another lesson here though.  Yes, a change of laws at the national, state, and local level will probably come. There will also be sensational news stories on the cable news networks as well as social media, but that will give you only so much understanding.  If you want a real understanding of race relations, you need to have conversations with individuals of different races.  Just casual conversations in which everyone is honest and comfortable, not necessarily about race especially as a conversation starter.  I learned the most about race that way.  I also learned because I was listening.  That is where our country can make the most improvement in our race relations.  Not just in the chambers of capitol buildings, but at kitchen tables at home or cafeteria tables at work. 

The value of these conversations works both ways.  On one incident I was working with a woman who was of Dominican descent, and through our conversation she then asked me, “Can I ask you something as white man?” I was shocked that she wanted to know what was in the mindset of white men. Yet it was obvious she was searching for clues. Another lesson learned about the reinforcement of the power of conversations.

The final lesson is that this realization came to me, via a simple act that felt strange and uncomfortable just by reversing my route.  It seems simple to have conversations with individuals of a different race or ethnicity, but it will take you out of your comfort zone if you, like many of us, live in segregated communities, but it is not hard to do.  Just like it was a simple act to reverse my route.  It not only gave me a new perspective but expanded my perspectives.  

It has enriched my life experiences having conversations with people of different races and ethnicities.  I think it will enrich your life too.

Why an Ultra-Marathon?

 

I had just come through a tough four-mile stretch of very rocky terrain.  So rocky, that my feet never seemed to land on dirt.  My toes were in pain from the constant stubbing and banging on rocks and I was moving slowly. Yet after I crossed a very rickety bridge (I use the term “bridge” loosely, it was just some planks nailed together high over a rocky stream, not really a bridge with handrails and stability) and climbed some more rocks until I came to a wider path. This path was still strewn with a few rocks but wider and much easier to navigate.  I felt a bit of relief even though I had another three miles to go before ending my thirty-mile ultra-marathon.  This was my third of three ten-mile loops so I knew that once I got to this point that the last three miles were the easiest to maneuver on the course.

After I had crossed the bridge, I had heard a man scream in pain and then curse loudly to himself.  I did not have to turn around to know what happened because I had done that myself numerous times on this course hitting my toes on the rocks. I would say his screaming and cursing was much louder than mine.  I did turn around though after I got to the wide path and saw the runner by the stream not crossing it but taking his trail shoes off and I guess he was going to put his feet in the icy cold water for some relief. I recognized the man because he had passed me at the mile 14 mark, but I passed him on mile 18 as he was walking then. 

At the aid station, he came in after me and he was struggling.  We were both sitting down with our refreshments refueling when I said to him “Just one more loop.”  He looked up with exhaustion oozing from every pore in in his body and said “I know, it ain’t going to be pretty.” We had been pretty much on the same pace for almost 20 miles.  He was probably in his thirties almost half my age.  I headed out before him and pretty much saw no other runners on the trail for the last ten miles, until I heard him scream.

(Bruised toes)

Why were the two of us doing this? Why was the first in-person race we did during the pandemic an ultra? Why would anyone sign up and do trail ultra-marathons?  Why is the motto for NJ Trail Series, who put on this race, “We make running fun!” If people were looking at us or any of the other runners in this race, the word “fun” does not immediately comes to mind.

I know many people when I tell them I ran a 50 mile or 50k race are amazed and perplexed.  Why would anyone want to do that? If they saw the pain and agony that young man was putting himself through, they would question his sanity. If they saw the bruises on me after the race, they would question my sanity.  As my son says to me when I do an ultra or a grueling obstacle run like the Tough Mudder “Let me get this straight you PAY to punish yourself for a t-shirt!” I look at him and say, “Yes but I get a free beer too!”

Now this may seem strange to think but I used to believe everyone was like me! Like me, they would think it would be “FUN” to test yourself physically and mentally by doing an ultra-trail run. Let me repeat that, I thought everyone if given the chance would want to try something along the lines of an ultra-marathon.

As I was writing this I had to stop at that last paragraph because I quickly realized that the answer to the question - Why an Ultra-Marathon? Was one I thought I had an answer to when I started to write this blog but then it disappeared on me.  It is like waking up after a particularly vivid dream that was great and then not being able to remember it.

Then it hit me to some degree the answer was in the question “Why would someone want to push their body to its limits and maybe beyond?”

For people like me who thoroughly enjoy physical activity, just running and working out is not enough.  Once and a while we want to push ourselves to our limits. While I guess that can be accomplished in a shorter race, once you have done a half-marathon relatively easily you need a new challenge. In some unusual way the challenge really is fun.

While the challenge can be fun, it is not easy. Meb Keflezighi, one of America’s most accomplished marathoners, said in his book 26 Marathons that after his first marathon he wrote in his journal “I don’t ever want to do this again” but he did.  In every marathon, he also thinks to himself “Why am I doing this?” My experience is the same with ultras.  The first one I said “never again” out loud not just to myself but to the runners next to me.  Yet the next year I came back to do the same race.  Every race I say the same thing, “this is my last”, but then I come back.

Emil Zatopek, the only runner to win the 5K, 10K, and marathon in the same Olympics once said “If you want to run, run a mile. If you want to experience life, run a marathon.”

This is even truer on an ultra because you are running often times on single-track paths and with significant changes in elevation.  My experiences have also included bad weather.  While obstacle races like the Tough Mudder encourage teamwork and camaraderie to get past obstacles, an ultra-marathon is a solo act.  Yes, the fellow racers are encouraging but only you can take the steps.

While I only do one ultra a year, it is the one time I find out about myself. Like, Emil Zatopek says you will “experience life”.  There are times I am carefree, times I am exhausted, times I feel that maybe I am getting too old, times I have to just stop in take in the beauty of the forest, and yes even many times I am having fun. Despite the pain, injuries, and fatigue, at the end when you finish you know that you accomplished something significant, even though, if you are like me, finishing nowhere near the top.  It is not about winning but finishing.

There are very few times in your life when you know that you have pushed your mind and body to its limits and maybe even outperformed your own expectations.  There are very few times in your life when you do not just “believe” but “know” that you can do almost anything. Those times are an ultra-high.  You feel that satisfied with yourself after completing an ultra.  That is why I do ultras for that feeling – plus I get a t-shirt!

The Adrenaline is Gone for the COVID-19 Ultra Marathon

 

There have been times in my life when an adrenaline rush has gotten me through a tough situation.  I do not think I am unusual in that aspect.  Adrenaline however is a short-term lift for a short time but is very unhelpful for a long-term challenge like an ultra-marathon.  When I started this blog, one of my first posts warned at the end of March and early April, that this pandemic was not a short race or even a marathon but was going to be a grueling ultra-marathon.  Frankly, I am not too happy to be very prescient about what was going to occur with this pandemic and even more concerned now that the adrenaline has worn off we might be in for a bumpier ride than it needs to be.  Why is that? Because once the short-term benefits of adrenaline are gone, there is almost the opposite effect, and you feel less energetic and even negative.

I know this because it happened to me on my first ultra-marathon and almost kept me from completing the race.  I was on my first ultra-marathon and it was a 50-mile trail run. I was feeling great until I realized that I had made a wrong turn and had to turn back.  I was adding over 5 miles to my race and the moment it happened the adrenaline kicked in and all the pain I felt disappeared. I retraced my path back to my mistake.  However, when I got back on the right course the adrenaline wore off and I had only completed less than half the race.  I could not shake the black cloud that hovered over me.  I had went from someone who was sure he was going to conquer the 50-mile challenge, to a depressed doubter of myself. It affected me greatly, but I was able to overcome it.

As we enter the fifth month of this pandemic it is apparent to me that the energy, focus, and unity that was felt early on has dissipated.  To a certain point this is to be expected because the only tools we have in our toolbox are masks, good hygiene, and social distancing. That last one, “social distancing” is the one that is near impossible to keep up.  We are social creatures and the reason that we have advanced as a species is through social interaction. While we all pretty much followed the protocols in the beginning and were united in our cause, now the unity is gone and the divide larger.  While in the first phase, we probably thought that we would defeat this virus quickly and our adrenaline kicked in.  Now I can sense the fatigue is settling in, and maybe even a little despair.

The reason I say the adrenaline rush is gone is that like in my first ultra-marathon, the first thing that hit me was an overwhelming cloud of negativity.  Yes, some of the aches and pains of running over twenty miles reappeared, but it was my negativity that was holding me back.

(Scene from 1st ultra)

As I have stated I am in the field of public education, and through my work I have conversations with people from all across the great state of New Jersey and I can sense the fatigue and frustration creeping in.  Part of it is because it has been a long time in this new normal, part of it is that the future is unknown, and part of it is we are more isolated than ever.  The key is how do we shift our focus and get into a more positive mindset as a nation?  I know it is possible it is because in my moment of despair on the race I was able to turn my mind set around, albeit not easily.

Ironically, the key I found was in working with others who may have been in worse shape than I was.  Basically, I did it with a little help from my friends, or in this case a couple of friendly strangers.  I started the race alone but ended it with two women I met on the trail, and we banded together to get each other to the finish line.  I have no idea what those women’s political views were, but that did not matter. We all had the same goal to finish, and we did – together.  We gave each other encouragement even in the middle of a thunderstorm in the dead of night.

Like in my quest to finish that race the real challenge starts when the adrenaline wears off and we need to as a nation, come together.  We all want the same thing.  We want the virus to go away or at least be manageable and we want our economy to go back to normal.  We can’t have one without the other. The political divide I talked about in my recent post is what is holding us back.

While I do not expect any political leaders to take my advice, I do hope as individuals we start to adapt to the long run.  Here are some thoughts on that.

Stay positive – Like my co-finishers, we supported each other and were always pushing and helping each other. As a nation, we should be focusing on helping each other not yelling at each other and we should be doing the same thing as individuals.  One way to do that is to limit your news intake.  I don’t care what you watch if it is CNN, Fox News, or MSNBC, tune in but don’t become obsessed with it.  They all focus on the divide and the more we watch it the angrier we get at others.  Call friends and acquaintances that are positive. Author’s note: The week I wrote this I was away and had no TV, and couldn’t believe how less worked up I was about the world.

Be realistic about the situation – We were in pain and the weather was awful, but we did not dwell on that.  We remained focus on moving forward. As a nation, we all know the grim realities of the virus and our economy and while we shouldn’t ignore it, we should focus on moving forward.  I know there are a few people who do not believe that this disease is really serious, I would point out making believe something is not real is dangerous.

Stay focused on your goal – In my race we had one directive get to the finish line.  We should have the same focus on controlling COVID-19.  Nothing else will fall into place until we do that.

Short term solutions don’t help solve long term challenges – Like in my race when I used adrenaline to get me back on course, it did solve one problem but created new and more harmful effects.  As a nation, we need to focus on the fact that we will be doing this for a long time.  If we just focus on moving forward than we can see progress every day.

All that being said, I am not optimistic that we will come together anytime soon.  There is a national election coming and by nature they tend to divide us, not unite us.  At least not until after Election Day because by nature the two sides dig in. I suspect that however the election ends up, that both sides have a core that will not accept the results.

I am however, optimistic that we will as individuals start to help each other.  While I sensed the fatigue that was settling in, I also sensed determination to get through this, and a comradery during Zoom meetings that focuses on the positive. It reminds me of the two women I met on the trail none of us were in good shape but that seemed to bind us not divide us. The adrenaline may have worn of but not the determination.

 

 

The Journey from 0 to 50 after the Age 50

 

There I was, at 5:30 a.m. on an unusually cool and damp May morning at the starting gate waiting for my first ultra-marathon -- a 50 mile run called, Rock the Ridge 50 Mile Challenge.  My journey to this gate did not begin with this moment in mind.  It was not as if I had set as a goal to get in good enough shape to complete 50 miles.  Far from it.  I didn’t even know that this race existed or that there were such things called ultra-marathons.  I distinctly remember my journey starting seven years prior when I had turned 50.  I had no goal other than staying fit.  I could sense that my athletic ability (which was pretty good when I was younger) was diminishing.  I also admit that I didn’t like it when my kids called me “fat dad” because while I was not overweight I had put on few pounds.

While retirement was not near, it was something that could be contemplated.   I thought that when I retire, I still want to be very active, and be able to hike trails and climb mountains in our National Parks, not just look at them from a roadside.

I remember when I was 51, my two younger brothers had completed a Tough Mudder, and the way they talked about it made me want to complete it too.  I wanted the challenge, but realized that I first needed to get in shape.  With others in my family, I signed up for a Warrior Dash that was scheduled to take place in the summer.  To train, l began to trail run.  I was already an avid day hiker and really enjoyed my quiet time in the woods, so trail running was like hiking, only faster.

It's amazing how a couple of small decisions for a short-term goal would have such a long-term impact.  The decision to involve myself in an obstacle race and to use trail running as my primary training method would prove pivotal.  Little did I know that the day I made those decisions would take me down a new path, which leads to other paths that I never knew existed.  It would soon lead to a regular routine of trail runs, as well as obstacle and trail races. 

As I started my trail running, I realized I had a long way to go.  The hills on the trail run took a lot out of me and I even had to walk them in the beginning even though I was only going three miles or so.  Fairly quickly, however, I was able to complete four miles even with hills.  Two weeks before the Warrior Dash, I pulled a muscle playing volleyball.  I was devastated, but rested it thinking that I might be able to do the Dash at three-quarters speed. Just minutes before the race, I decided to give it a try.  While I could not run at full speed, I did finish the Dash. (Warrior Dash photo below)

A few months later was the Tough Mudder.  I kept up on my trail running and pretty soon I was easily completing five miles.  While these runs were becoming easier, the Tough Mudder was on another level.  The Mudder contained numerous obstacles that required upper body strength.   I was with my brother on a day that started at 37 degrees, reaching the high 40’s. I was not just running, but also swimming in icy cold water.  Again, I pulled a muscle (halfway through the race), but I was not going to quit.  I finished the race with my brother running slowly.  It took me 10 days to recover.

While I was basking in the glow of achievement, I also realized that now I had no goals to train.  Would I become a one and done or would I continue on?  I decided that I wanted to complete the Tough Mudder again, and this time in a better fashion since I had a year to prepare.  I found a variety of trail races that would take place in the winter and spring.  (put on by NJ Trail Series, which I highly recommend.  They are very unpretentious races and they put them on throughout the year and go from 5ks to 100 milers.) I was soon participating in a race almost every month in order to train,  First was a 10k, then a Spartan, then trail half marathons, more Tough Mudders, and then sprint triathlons.  

While some of the races took a lot out of me, I realized that despite the aging process, I was getting stronger, had more endurance and recovered quicker from the various races.  My confidence also grew as did my desire to exercise. Before the Tough Mudder started, I remember something that the motivational speaker said that resonated with me.  “When was the last time you did something for the first time?” That became my racing motto and I began pushing myself to more difficult races and challenges.

I couldn’t believe how these races have changed me.  My identity has changed.  People began to see me as an athlete even though I was in my fifties.  Even more profound -- I began to see myself as an athlete (an old athlete) but an athlete none-the-less.  My identity was always derived from my work and family, which still exists.  I am proud of this identity as a family man, and as a trainer and speaker at my place of employment, but it is nice to have a unique characteristic.

I remember talking to a friend who followed my exploits on Facebook and he asked me, “How long do you think you can keep doing this?” I did not have an answer and still don’t.  When I began these races, I said that I would continue until I turned 60.  But, now as I write this, I am sixty-one and I do not see an end in sight.

When most of us go on a journey it is with the destination in mind.  My journey began with no destination in mind, yet it continues with so many fun stops along the way, with new paths available that I take.  There are no destinations on this journey because destinations indicate and end -- it's more interesting getting on the new path.

Completing that 50 mile trek on that cold wet day in May was interesting, to say the least, and it was a separate, crazy story (which you will be able to read about as well) in itself, but it was the unplanned journey to get to the starting gate that continues.