The Path Back to Normal and the Trails (Part 2)

It was a week later after the Trail Gods had given me the green light to run. I had chosen a municipal park that had a great walking and running path that circled around the soccer and lacrosse fields.  It was completely flat and about a mile and three quarters in distance.  It is not a favorite running route, but it is good for when you are coming back from an injury because it is easy on the legs and as I said, completely flat.  Even though it was early May, the weather was not ideal. It was very cold and there were some snowflakes drifting around.  When I got to the park, I had on my cold weather gear including a knit hat because it was not only cold, but very windy.

I got out of the car and waited for the GPS on my watch to start which sometimes takes a while.  I was very nervous though.  I was not sure I was ready yet, and the cold windy weather did not help my mood either. The watch dinged. It was ready and so I guess so was I.  I started at a slow steady pace, about 3/4 of my normal pace. I felt a little awkward as my breathing was a bit labored, and I felt a bit stiff.  That however, is how I always start for about a mile or so before I settle into a rhythm.  After a mile, I felt better but the wind was howling and if there is one weather thing that annoys me, it is strong winds.  On this route half the time, I would be running against the wind as well.  “Very apropos” I thought. “Running against the wind”, feels like I have been doing that for a month now.

I had signed up for a virtual 5K and actually completed a little over four miles when I called it a day.  I felt good but frankly I knew that I was not right.  That night I even felt a slight tightness in my chest, the same tightness I had felt when I had COVID-19.

The next morning was a totally different day in so many respects.  Firstly, the weather was dramatically warmer.  Even in the morning it was sunny and over fifty degrees.  I only had to run in shorts and a t-shirt, which having run bundled up the day before, felt so light and free.  I eschewed the municipal park and went to my usual county park in which I always ran.  Though this time I would traverse the flatter trails and avoid the steeper climbs.  Not sure if it was the warmer weather, the great feeling of having just a shorts and a t-shirt on, or being back on my old running route after one long month, but I felt much better than I did the day before. My stride felt good and my breathing was easy. As I circled a lake, I saw some women staring into the trees and saw what they saw, a Scarlett Tanager.  It was beautiful.  A message from the Trail Gods. 

I continued on, and on one small descent, my feet felt light and I was gracefully floating over the rocks in the path like I used too.  I came to a fork in the path at mile three. My original plan was to bear right to avoid the longer distance as well as the climb but I veered left for the climb and the distance.  I was feeling great.  I ended up doing 4.5 miles and I know I could have done more but I was still taking my return to fitness slow and steady.

The following Wednesday early in the morning, before 7AM, I decided to run that same trail again.  There were very few people in the park and I felt great. As I circled the lake again, I once again saw the Scarlett Tanager. Though this time it was on the opposite side of the lake.  I stopped to take him in. After all, gifts from the Trail Gods should not be ignored.  I was running easy and free, breathing was steady, and I did not want to stop but I had to work that day.  When I returned to my car in the parking lot and stopped, I felt it!  That high you get after a good workout or run.  It is the feeling that makes you get up and run even on bad weather days.  It is also a sign of fitness. That weekend I extended my runs to seven miles on both days.

Early on the next Friday morning I decided to take another trail run, but this time to Pyramid Mountain County Park, the same place the Trail Gods had spoken to me and I had seen the trail runner.  It was a warm day and once again the park was nearly empty this early.  It was an enjoyable run. So enjoyable, that I decided to add a short loop to my run to see one of the parks most visited landmarks, Tripod Rock.  It is a large multi-ton boulder perched on three smaller rocks. I always like to take it in because it is fascinating to look at, and might be the single reason this park was originally preserved.  I  used to hike this park before it was officially a park and the only trails pretty much lead to it.  After the core of the park was preserved, then additional adjoining lands, such as Turkey Mountain and Kincaid Woods, were added, to make one fabulous park.

I was running free and was surprised that I was almost back to the parking lot.  I was thinking about Tripod Rock and the mystery of it.  There are two schools of thought on it.  One that it was the work of Native American and the other that it is a remnant glacial motion.  I however know the real story.  It is the work of the Trail Gods. They are always communicating with us, we just have to listen more.  Take it from me.

 

The Path Back to Normal and the Trails (Part 1)

I got out of my car and was a bit excited. It was the first day that the county and state parks were open in New Jersey and it was like a sign to help me get back to my old normal routine of trail running. I however would not be running this trail, just walking in the woods, which was just as good.  I had beaten back COVID-19 and I was not sick anymore but while I was well, I was not fit, there is a major difference. “Well” means you are not sick but “fit” has a more positive connotation and means you are more alive.

I wanted to be “fit” again but I was very hesitant because COVID had sapped much of my energy, which I expected. What I did not expect was the way it had attacked my confidence.  I was trying to figure out when to try to run again but I was hesitant and a bit scared.  I had been walking around three miles every day for a couple of weeks but running, scared me.  Would it trigger a relapse? Were my lungs up to the challenge? Had COVID-19 left any permanent damage? I was questioning everything in my head, which is a sign that your confidence is shaken. With my confidence shaken it was hard to move forward. 

In these uncertain times, I wanted something “normal” that I could anchor myself too.  If I could get back to running on trails again and being fit, I would feel normal.  Yet I knew it would not happen overnight.

As soon as I entered the forest, I felt at home. It was a beautiful day I only needed a t-shirt as I walked through the forest.  This was not my normal running trail but a trail I have hiked often.  I was a bit afraid to go to my normal running trail and be seen “walking” by the park regulars.  It might bring up a conversation I did not want to have about why I was walking and not running. A bit silly I guess, but I felt it none-the-less. 

After two miles, I was feeling great when I saw a woman approaching me who was running, it was a trail runner, something that is rarer in this park.  As she got closer we started to practice social distancing by moving to the side when from a distance she looked at my shirt and stopped and said “I did that race”.  I was wearing a trail race t-shirt from NJ Trail Series and this one was the “Wildcat Ridge Romp” which was a tough trail race.  All of a sudden, we were in a conversation about various trail races and we had done some of the same races.  We were lamenting the fact that there were no races.  I told her about my Zion race and then she mentioned that today she was supposed to be doing the Rock the Ridge 50 Mile Challenge, a race I had done three times.  I all of a sudden thought of the weather that was in the low 50’s and sunny and said it would have a been a perfect day to run the race.  We spoke longer than I expected I even told her that I had had COVID-19.  I told her about a virtual race that someone was hosting but she said she had enough of virtual races and would just train until there was a real one.

I think we both enjoyed the conversation because it was like the banter runners have before and after a race.  You don’t get that banter from virtual races.  We had both obviously done the same races so it was fun to talk about that world.  A world we both obviously wanted to get back too.

We eventually ended our conversation and moved on in the opposite directions, her running, me walking.  That conversation however, changed my mindset completely.   I wanted to run again badly, my fear was gone and my confidence returned.  I knew that my body was not quite ready yet but it was very close. In that conversation, I had realized that I am a trail runner!  That is part of my identity and I need to work to get back to it.  It is not like I was not working my way back I had been walking every day and I had even signed up for a virtual race but I knew that I could also walk that race.  The problem was that the path back to running was long.  COVID-19 was also testing my patience.  I had to do this slowly yet steadily.

I continued on my hike and originally I was going to do about four miles but I felt so good mentally and physically, I extended my hike and would do almost six miles. 

My religious beliefs when I am the forest and on the trails tends to swerve to the mystical spectrum.  I believe that the Trail Gods are always sending you messages.  A beautiful waterfall that forces you to stop and take in Mother Nature or even something small like a Scarlet Tanager.  I also believe in trail angels: people put in your path to help you or send you a message.  People you most likely will never see again.  I know that because it happened to me on a 50 Mile trail race before, that someone was placed in my path to help me and that someone was placed in my path so I could help them.

The trail gods were speaking to me on this hike. Yes, there were the fast flowing streams and beautiful early blooms of flowers but the one thing that was a little different was the trail runner.  She was a message that was being sent to me.  As I strolled through the park often stopping to take pictures, it began to formulate in my head that I would run again.  It would not be the next day but the following week.  I picked the location, which was a park that was completely flat, so that way I could ease into my first run and if that went well back to the trails.

I was walking steady and with a purpose now and thoroughly enjoying myself.  Normally I would have hiked longer but I was mindful not to overdo it.  To push hard but to push myself slow and steady.  I was about a mile from the parking lot when all of a sudden I saw her again - The trail runner!  As she got closer, I shouted to her kiddingly “You’re still running” she smiled and said “Of course I am training.”  We stopped and started another conversation about races and running.  This time the conversation was a bit shorter, than we both went our separate ways, once again her running, me walking.

As I headed back to my car, I knew that the Trail Gods were making sure I got the message. The time to run the trails is near.

(End Part 1)

Coming Out of the COVID-19 Fog

( May 2020) 

We often took family vacations on lakes in the state of Maine.  It would be late summer and that far north at night it would get very cool.  The next morning there would be a fog and mist covering the entire lake.  You could not see any of the shoreline or even much of the water.

Often I would get up early with my morning cup of coffee and watch the morning unfold.  The sun would rise but was just a small weak dot trying to break through the dense fog, slowly however, it grew warmer and you could see the fog slowly but steadily dissipate.  Toward the end all that was there was a few misty clouds floating over the lake.

I used to really enjoy the silent display that Mother Nature put on for me.  I have not however enjoyed my bout with COVID-19 at all even though it has unfurled much like the fog over those Northern Maine lakes.

When COVID-19 hit me it came on fast and after a morning walk, all of a sudden I was exhausted and dead tired, so much so that I went to sleep. I woke up with a fever, was achy and had bad cough.  Immediately my wife who was recovering from COVID-19 isolated me but I was confident that with a day or two of rest I would conquer COVID-19.  The world was however foggy to me.  I could not concentrate.  I stopped reading and even watching television took energy.

My mind and body were fighting the COVID but unlike the sun that burns the fog off in a day, the fog hung on to me for days.  All of a sudden, on day five while I was still in a fog with the cough and persistent fever, I was not achy and while not energetic, I was not fatigued.  By day ten the fever broke, while the cough still lingered.

The world was clearing up to me.  I began to read books and the newspaper.  While I had never stopped working completely it was not a burden anymore.  Luckily, the weather also broke and I went outside more often.

Yet there were still clouds clinging stubbornly to me.  While I was not sick, I also was not well.  It is hard to explain but I knew I was not 100% maybe 85%, but I also knew I would get better.

The last few clouds however were also COVID scars.  It was a gnawing feeling that maybe I had lost something forever.  Would I be able to run long distances again?  I was known for being a very social person who hugged people at social gatherings but would people be fearful of doing that because I had COVID?  Would it come back?  These questions were the remaining mental games COVID had left me.  Frankly, I was a bit scared of my future.

One thing I had not explained earlier about my mornings of watching the fog dissipate over a Northern lake.  When it was over, I felt like attacking the day and almost immediately would take a morning walk or run before everyone else had awaken.  It had energized me to watch Mother Nature.

While it was not one morning that my fog had lifted but closer to two weeks it had lifted. I was not at full strength but I did feel more energized to live my normal life again or as normal as we can live a life in quarantine. 

I started to read again and even write a little.  I did crossword puzzles.  I started to do nonstrenuous walks every morning in my neighborhood.  The fresh air felt great as I strolled for a little over two miles, which I increased to about three and a half miles after a week.  A far cry from my two hour runs but I was going in the right direction.  I even walked in misty rain and once again, I was not bothered by less than ideal weather conditions.

While I had never lost my sense of smell or taste, I did not really care about what I ate.  As the fog lifted, I all of a sudden really cared and began craving fresh fruits and vegetables.  My wife knew I was better when I asked for a cup of coffee as well.  She definitely knew I was getting better when I began poking fun at her and joking around.

I am keenly aware about how lucky I am that both my wife and I recovered.  There are people who stayed in that fog for much longer than I did.  Too many who went into that fog which never lifted and are one of the grim numbers that rises every day on a news report.

Living in quarantine is stressful and not very stimulating.  My wife and I dreamed about taking our annual summer vacation (Something we know is not a sure thing.).  We never stay in the same place every year so where to go is always an interesting conversation. When she asked about my thoughts, I replied “I would like to go to Maine.”  I thought to myself “I want to watch the fog lift”

The Mental Game of COVID-19

(May 1, 2020) 

I will admit that I am a little extreme in my thoughts about staying healthy and battling illness.  I firmly believe that your “mind” is the most essential antidote to illness.  I had an eccentric uncle who believed in this and at a young age of twelve or thirteen, I tried it and whenever I started to feel sick, I would think positive and healthy thoughts and recovery was only a day away.  That was until COVID-19.

I attacked my COVID-19 infection like any other illness.  I would stay positive, rest a bit, but not completely give in or feel sorry for myself.  Then in a few days while I will not be completely healed I know I will be quickly back on the road to being healthy again.  I was relying on past experience to battle my current illness.  That was my first mistake.

COVID-19 likes to linger (At least in my case) and for over a week, while I did not get worse I did not get better either.  The fever and the cough persisted. 

My second mistake and one that caught me even more off guard was that the mental aspect of dealing with COVID-19 was much tougher than I had anticipated.  As I stated earlier I believe a positive and healthy mindset is vital to a recovery.  Yet during my battle with COVID-19 I found it much harder than usual to maintain that positive mindset.  Why?

First the isolation.  Even before I was ill the whole family was in quarantine and since my wife had shown signs early on of COVID-19 we had begun isolating ourselves from each other so our meals were not something we shared, neither was watching TV, or even long conversations.

After I was infected the isolation became even firmer I was regulated to one room.  It is hard to stay upbeat when you are staring at the same things 24/7.  We have a nice plant in our family room that I grew to hate, because it reminded me of my captivity.

I continued to work from home which did several positive things.  First, it made me move to the other end of the room.  This changed my view so I did not have to stare at that plant again.  It also forced me to sit up straight, which was good for my lungs.  It also made the day go faster.   Though, that first week I did not have the energy to work all day.  I remember one time I decided to rest about 15 minutes before a Webex meeting and before I knew it, I was asleep and missed the first 15 minutes of the meeting.  Working however distracted me from being sick for the most part and it forced me to think of the future positively.

Despite those positives, I was not energized by work because I was missing the interaction with other people which is a large part of my work and the part I enjoy the most.

Even my meals had become boring.  It is not that they tasted bad or anything, my wife and son did cook some great meals.  It was just that I was eating alone on a tray table.  It was like eating in a hospital.  The meals were dropped off and picked up and I ate because I was hungry and needed sustenance.  I was not however dining having conversation while I ate.   There is a huge difference between eating and dining.

I tried to go outside but there was really only one really nice day.  Most of the days were cold and damp.  I would walk around the yard but the cold really hit me.  Normally I love the cold but with COVID-19 I really felt the cold and did not stay outside long.

Finally having COVID-19 somehow made me feel bad about myself.  There was somehow something wrong with me.  It was like I was the character Hester Prynne in Nathaniel Hawthorne’s novel The Scarlet Letter.  Instead of the letter “A” it was “C-19”.  I don’t have a logical reason I should feel this way except that maybe I knew I was contagious and needed to stay away from people.  Which outside of my trips to the grocery store I had done.

With all these negative feelings swirling around, it was harder to focus on the mental game of beating COVID-19.  I could not imagine being hospitalized with COVID-19 and being surrounded by strangers, obviously caring strangers, but strangers nonetheless.  It would be easy to lose the mental game.

For me to win this mental game I did what I had done in ultramarathons I broke it down to legs and in this case I took it day by day.  Until I realized that after four days the aches were gone then the fatigue.  Each symptom that dropped lifted my spirits.

I also received positive energy from outside the house.  I had decided to go public about the struggles with COVID-19 my wife and I were having, for a couple of reasons I won’t get into here, but it was surprising one of the more positive things I did in helping my health.  The outpouring of support from my friends on Facebook and the people I work for and with was genuine and touched me.  I will admit while I don’t have a large social media presence almost 100% of them are people I have met in person they are not just someone I friended. 

While at the moment, I feel that I am on the road to complete recovery I realized one final lesson in the mind game of health.  Sending positive energy to someone has an impact.  It changes their mindset or at least keeps them positive and while it was an eccentric uncle who first introduced me to the importance of a positive mindset in one’s health.  It was an eclectic group of people of people on Facebook who affirmed it.

COVID-19 Hits Home

(April 15, 2020)

In the ten years I have been running I have become better attuned to my body as every year passes.  My fitness has made me aware of when even something slight seems off and if it really nothing at all or something that I should be adapting to or something I need to persevere through.  It has really paid off with many benefits not the least being that I rarely get sick with a cold or flu.

As we were awaiting my wife’s COVID-19 test results which we were certain was positive I started to sense things were wrong in my body.  I wasn’t sure if they were real or my imagination running wild with COVID-19.  First, it seemed I was coughing more after my workouts and my chest felt funny.  But after I finished every workout there was no physical traces that made me feel unhealthy.  I was excited to get to Good Friday because I didn’t have to work, so I could take my time before I ran.  It would be more relaxing that way.  Unfortunately, the county parks had been closed due to the outbreak, so I would have to do a road route I have established over time around two local lakes and it totaled about 6.6 miles a moderate workout for me. I felt pretty good at the end of the run when I checked my Garmin to see my run results and everything seemed in line until I took a double take at my heart rate.  It had soared to numbers I had never even come close to before.  My average heart rate was 196 BPM spiking to 213.  I had never even spiked to that average on runs that were much more strenuous or even faster.  While I normally don’t put that much stock in the accuracy of these numbers on watches these were too high to ignore.  I was also nervous because I had heard that one of the signs of coronavirus was that you were not getting enough oxygen through your blood.

The next morning a Saturday is traditionally my long run day but was a little scared to try a long run.  Those heart rate readings had scared me.  Yet I wanted to log some miles so I decided on doing a long walk.  The same 6.6 mile course I did on Friday, I would walk instead.  While it felt great to be outside I definitely felt off. My chest felt funny and I even considered just going back home about halfway yet I am always focused on getting my miles in, so I continued on.  As I scaled the last uphill portion of my walk I started coughing.  I was obviously struggling a bit. 

I got home, made something for my wife for lunch and then took a shower and then – I pretty much collapsed. All of a sudden I was extremely tired and couldn’t stay awake and fell asleep for a couple of hours.  When I awoke I had a fever and was achy.

It was obvious to my wife, who got her results this same day that she was positive for COVID-19, that I too had COVID-19. 

It hit me hard because one of the reasons I work out is to build up my immune system.  I said to myself that I am healthy and am in much better shape than most men my age I mean I can do ultra-marathons!  

I will beat this in a couple of days I thought to myself.  I haven’t been laid up for more than two days in the entire thirty years my wife and I have known each other.

Fortunately, my wife was now feeling much better so we switched roles and she took care of my meals.  (It should be noted that while she just got her test results that day she took the test over a week ago and we had tried getting her tested two weeks before that.  So she probably had had it for some time.) I was isolated to our family room so as to not infect our son.  Before this, I pretty much had the entire downstairs including the kitchen to myself and my son (Who also had his bedroom) and my wife had the bedroom and office on the 2^nd floor.  In my mind, now that both have tested positive pretty much the whole house was infected.  Even so, I was isolated and she cleaned the rest of the house and hoped for the best when my son ventured out of his room for a meal.

Usually when I get sick I rest one day and while I may not be 100% I am ready to function the next day.  This was different I took two days to rest up and listen to my body but it made no difference.  In fact I was in a battle between my head and my body.  All my body wanted to do was sleep but my head knew lying down was dangerous with COVID-19 because it liked to attack the lungs.

I knew it was going to be a battle and I knew that it would be a battle that my head would win and COVID-19 would lose.  What I didn’t know however was that it was going to be a long battle.  I had written earlier that during ultra-marathons there are times when you are in pain and want to give up.  That it was a mental game to keep going.  After a few days of a high fever, fatigue, and a persistent cough I realized that this was now a mental game I was having with COVID-19.

COVID-19 Footsteps

(April 5, 2020)

I have run many long trail races and on a single track trail in an extremely forested area and there is a peaceful feeling when running through a forest but it is still a race.  While I have no delusions that I will win anything not the total race, not even my age group, I still am a competitive person.  So, when I am running in a race and hear footsteps behind me I instinctively pick up my pace, no one likes to be passed.  Three things can happen at that point; first, they are running stronger then you and pass you and you never see them again. Second, they come close but never pass you and if you never look back, you may never know who it was.  Third, they pass you but never get too far and you end up having better endurance and passing them again.

I have been thinking of these various scenarios as I have been continuing my running during this COVID-19 pandemic.  Because while often I have been practicing “social distancing” while I run on single track trails in my local county park I have also been hearing footsteps. I have even turned my head around on my solo runs to see who is behind me.  While I see no one, I know who it is.  It is COVID-19.  I live in the epicenter of the outbreak in the United States and for weeks I have felt its presence creeping closer and closer.  It is as if the walls are closing in around me.  The people testing positive are closer connections

I pick up my pace to out run the outbreak, but I am not delusional.  I know that it is not a physical race at this point but a mental challenge.  I am training even harder to not let the virus over take me.  COVID-19 is coming for me but I am ready for the challenge.  I have trained to be fit and while that is no guarantee against the disease, I believe a fit person has a better chance of surviving a COVID-19 infection then one compromised.  Yes, I say to those footsteps behind me “give me your best shot! I am ready!”

I turn around on my trail run to see who is behind me feel victorious and defiant because no one is there.  I think that I have scared COVID-19 away.  He realizes that he is no match for me.  I finished my ten-mile run and feel great! I am energized, healthy and ready for anything this new virus can throw at me.  At least I think I am.

When I get home and go to talk to my wife, I immediately can sense a little worry in her voice as well as on her face.  Her coworker, who she just was with, fell sick and was being tested for COVID-19.  We both remain positive however until the next morning when she wakes up sick.  Now we are both a bit worried.  We are able to make some calls and it seems that she meets the criteria to get one of the limited slots for the COVID-19 test.  Now we wait.  We learn a couple of days later that her coworker tested positive.  Obviously, our nervousness dramatically increases but while she is sick, she is functioning.  We are also delegating her to one section of the house.

While I am confident that I can survive a COVID-19 attack I was not ready for it to attack someone I love.  On long trail races sometimes when you see someone in distress you have to stop and help, you become a trail angel.  My race was not now about me but about her and I must be her trail angel.

While I was prepared for physical duties of taking care of her I was not as prepared for the psychological aspects.  First of all, we have for the most part, been homebound for weeks with a sense of boredom permeating the household.  In addition, I could only talk to her from a distance so our normal conversations in the living room were also gone.  The one’s in which we talk about our days and the issues of the world.  Now I would talk to her from the hallway.  We couldn’t even watch a movie together.

In the morning, I continued my regular exercise routine.  I was up early on the treadmill running when something happened that never happened to me in all my years of running.  Tears started to well up in my eyes.  Usually for me running is almost meditative but COVID-19 had disrupted that pattern.  I was worried for my wife and the tears were tears of fear.

Yes, the footsteps were real that I was sensing.  Yes, maybe COVID-19 had caught up to me.  That however does not mean that COVID-19 had won.  No, it just means that the battle had just begun.  

What COVID-19 did not know about me is that I had never dropped out of a race despite being cold, wet, and even one time - lost.  I had finished every race and this would be no different.

Quarantine Time

(April 4, 2020)

As I got out of my car and hit the trail for my Saturday trail run I was excited to be out of my house and into the forest.  Since I have been in quarantine, the Saturday and Sunday runs are important because they mark another week and it is the one time outside of grocery shopping that I get out of the house and I feel free from my worries.

About four miles into my ten mile run, my brain was searching for today’s date, which recently has been something that takes longer than it used to.  Since the quarantine, remembering the date and the day of the week has become increasingly hard and when things happened in the past even harder.

I can’t for the life of me understand why I am having such a hard time with remembering the day of the week, the date, and when I did something in the recent past.  After all my life is pretty much documented by time and date.  As a runner I diligently log every mile I run, how long it took me, and the time of the day I started my run.

Even though I am working from home, my work is centered around dates and time, I have meetings scheduled at certain times and podcasts at other times.  In fact, we are all more punctual then when we had meetings in a conference room and it seemed it took fifteen or twenty minutes to settle in to business. Now it is a few minutes and onto the discussion.  If there is any informal chitchat, it happens at the end of the web-based meeting.  As if we are all desperately holding on to that social connection we didn’t realize was so important until we don’t have it.

I have very quickly settled into a quarantined routine.  I wake up about the same time every morning get on the treadmill for about the same amount of time every day.  Though I do vary my workouts from steady runs, to interval runs, to steady incline hikes not only for fitness purposes but so the routine is well, not so routine.  I head to my office aka my dining room table, and go to work Monday through Friday.

The big decision of the day is what will we have for dinner?  This is the one question that sparks the most interest in an otherwise monotonous day.

It seems like life is such a blur like there is a fog hanging over me and I am waiting to live again.  Even my conversations with those on the phone are becoming slightly more difficult because my standard opening line is to ask “What’s new?” Obviously nothing is.

What concerns me also is that I know that others are starting to feel the same way.  We are patiently biding our time waiting go back to our lives again. 

It is as if time has stood still and we are in an endless time loop.  Things that happened just before the pandemic do not seem like a month ago but years ago.  It is as if the pandemic changed the timeline of history and everything that happened before it occurred, is ancient history.

As I continue my run with the tumblers of my brain desperately searching for the date it comes to me April 4^th.  “Ah yes” I thought to myself.  I was supposed to be doing a race today.  It was a trail half marathon that I done the last few years and I was really looking forward to it.  I always enjoyed that challenging run. I was going to use it as tune up for a 50k in Utah in the middle of April.  That however was it seems in another life those races are canceled.  I will so look forward doing a race again. Runners are always anticipating the next race. 

That anticipation is not just for runners we all have events that occur that mark our life and of course time.  We look forward and backward on those events, whether they are family parties, a night out for dinner, a sporting event, the opening of a new movie, or a vacation. 

Without these events, time is just numbers on a calendar.  They hold almost no meaning.

As I continue down the trail, a bit down about the canceled race.  I see time moving forward and changing.  It is slight but it is unmistakable that time is moving forward.  The path I am running down is greener then it was when I last ran on it.  The difference was subtle but enough for me to document with a photo.  Spring is coming and will not being held back by COVID-19.  It is only a small hint now but I know that soon this same run, will be filled with bright colors.  Mother Nature’s calendar is not measured by numbers artificially created by man, she has her own cycles that she has followed for eons.  She is oblivious to our quarantine of time.

No season symbolizes hope like spring.  It is the season of rebirth. I am now more positive.  We will once again have the events that we use to mark time.  We however are like the flora and fauna in winter.  They have to bide their time and wait for the days to get longer and warmer.  They cannot rush Mother Nature.  We cannot rush this quarantine either it is not on our schedule.  We will get out of time warp and live our lives again.