Coming Out of the COVID-19 Fog

( May 2020) 

We often took family vacations on lakes in the state of Maine.  It would be late summer and that far north at night it would get very cool.  The next morning there would be a fog and mist covering the entire lake.  You could not see any of the shoreline or even much of the water.

Often I would get up early with my morning cup of coffee and watch the morning unfold.  The sun would rise but was just a small weak dot trying to break through the dense fog, slowly however, it grew warmer and you could see the fog slowly but steadily dissipate.  Toward the end all that was there was a few misty clouds floating over the lake.

I used to really enjoy the silent display that Mother Nature put on for me.  I have not however enjoyed my bout with COVID-19 at all even though it has unfurled much like the fog over those Northern Maine lakes.

When COVID-19 hit me it came on fast and after a morning walk, all of a sudden I was exhausted and dead tired, so much so that I went to sleep. I woke up with a fever, was achy and had bad cough.  Immediately my wife who was recovering from COVID-19 isolated me but I was confident that with a day or two of rest I would conquer COVID-19.  The world was however foggy to me.  I could not concentrate.  I stopped reading and even watching television took energy.

My mind and body were fighting the COVID but unlike the sun that burns the fog off in a day, the fog hung on to me for days.  All of a sudden, on day five while I was still in a fog with the cough and persistent fever, I was not achy and while not energetic, I was not fatigued.  By day ten the fever broke, while the cough still lingered.

The world was clearing up to me.  I began to read books and the newspaper.  While I had never stopped working completely it was not a burden anymore.  Luckily, the weather also broke and I went outside more often.

Yet there were still clouds clinging stubbornly to me.  While I was not sick, I also was not well.  It is hard to explain but I knew I was not 100% maybe 85%, but I also knew I would get better.

The last few clouds however were also COVID scars.  It was a gnawing feeling that maybe I had lost something forever.  Would I be able to run long distances again?  I was known for being a very social person who hugged people at social gatherings but would people be fearful of doing that because I had COVID?  Would it come back?  These questions were the remaining mental games COVID had left me.  Frankly, I was a bit scared of my future.

One thing I had not explained earlier about my mornings of watching the fog dissipate over a Northern lake.  When it was over, I felt like attacking the day and almost immediately would take a morning walk or run before everyone else had awaken.  It had energized me to watch Mother Nature.

While it was not one morning that my fog had lifted but closer to two weeks it had lifted. I was not at full strength but I did feel more energized to live my normal life again or as normal as we can live a life in quarantine. 

I started to read again and even write a little.  I did crossword puzzles.  I started to do nonstrenuous walks every morning in my neighborhood.  The fresh air felt great as I strolled for a little over two miles, which I increased to about three and a half miles after a week.  A far cry from my two hour runs but I was going in the right direction.  I even walked in misty rain and once again, I was not bothered by less than ideal weather conditions.

While I had never lost my sense of smell or taste, I did not really care about what I ate.  As the fog lifted, I all of a sudden really cared and began craving fresh fruits and vegetables.  My wife knew I was better when I asked for a cup of coffee as well.  She definitely knew I was getting better when I began poking fun at her and joking around.

I am keenly aware about how lucky I am that both my wife and I recovered.  There are people who stayed in that fog for much longer than I did.  Too many who went into that fog which never lifted and are one of the grim numbers that rises every day on a news report.

Living in quarantine is stressful and not very stimulating.  My wife and I dreamed about taking our annual summer vacation (Something we know is not a sure thing.).  We never stay in the same place every year so where to go is always an interesting conversation. When she asked about my thoughts, I replied “I would like to go to Maine.”  I thought to myself “I want to watch the fog lift”