I got out of my car and was a bit excited. It was the first
day that the county and state parks were open in New Jersey and it was like a
sign to help me get back to my old normal routine of trail running. I however
would not be running this trail, just walking in the woods, which was just as
good. I had beaten back COVID-19 and I
was not sick anymore but while I was well, I was not fit, there is a major
difference. “Well” means you are not sick but “fit” has a more positive
connotation and means you are more alive.
I wanted to be “fit” again but I was very hesitant because
COVID had sapped much of my energy, which I expected. What I did not expect was
the way it had attacked my confidence. I
was trying to figure out when to try to run again but I was hesitant and a bit
scared. I had been walking around three
miles every day for a couple of weeks but running, scared me. Would it trigger a relapse? Were my lungs up
to the challenge? Had COVID-19 left any permanent damage? I was questioning
everything in my head, which is a sign that your confidence is shaken. With my
confidence shaken it was hard to move forward.
In these uncertain times, I wanted something “normal” that I
could anchor myself too. If I could get
back to running on trails again and being fit, I would feel normal. Yet I knew it would not happen overnight.
As soon as I entered the forest, I felt at home. It was a
beautiful day I only needed a t-shirt as I walked through the forest. This was not my normal running trail but a
trail I have hiked often. I was a bit
afraid to go to my normal running trail and be seen “walking” by the park regulars. It might bring up a conversation I did not
want to have about why I was walking and not running. A bit silly I guess, but
I felt it none-the-less.
After two miles, I was feeling great when I saw a woman
approaching me who was running, it was a trail runner, something that is rarer
in this park. As she got closer we
started to practice social distancing by moving to the side when from a
distance she looked at my shirt and stopped and said “I did that race”. I was wearing a trail race t-shirt from NJ Trail Series and
this one was the “Wildcat Ridge Romp” which was a tough trail race. All of a sudden, we were in a conversation
about various trail races and we had done some of the same races. We were lamenting the fact that there were no
races. I told her about my Zion race and
then she mentioned that today she was supposed to be doing the Rock the Ridge 50 Mile Challenge,
a race I had done three times. I all of
a sudden thought of the weather that was in the low 50’s and sunny and said it
would have a been a perfect day to run the race. We spoke longer than I expected I even told
her that I had had COVID-19. I told her about
a virtual race that someone was hosting but she said she had enough of virtual
races and would just train until there was a real one.
I think we both enjoyed the conversation because it was like
the banter runners have before and after a race. You don’t get that banter from virtual
races. We had both obviously done the
same races so it was fun to talk about that world. A world we both obviously wanted to get back
too.
We eventually ended our conversation and moved on in the
opposite directions, her running, me walking.
That conversation however, changed my mindset completely. I wanted to run again badly, my fear was
gone and my confidence returned. I knew
that my body was not quite ready yet but it was very close. In that
conversation, I had realized that I am a trail runner! That is part of my identity and I need to work
to get back to it. It is not like I was
not working my way back I had been walking every day and I had even signed up
for a virtual race but I knew that I could also walk that race. The problem was that the path back to running
was long. COVID-19 was also testing my
patience. I had to do this slowly yet
steadily.
I continued on my hike and originally I was going to do
about four miles but I felt so good mentally and physically, I extended my hike
and would do almost six miles.
My religious beliefs when I am the forest and on the trails
tends to swerve to the mystical spectrum.
I believe that the Trail Gods
are always sending you messages. A
beautiful waterfall that forces you to stop and take in Mother Nature or even
something small like a Scarlet Tanager.
I also believe in trail angels: people put in your path to help you or
send you a message. People you most
likely will never see again. I know that
because it happened to me on a 50 Mile trail race before, that someone was placed
in my path to help me and that someone was placed in my path so I could help
them.
The trail gods were speaking to me on this hike. Yes, there
were the fast flowing streams and beautiful early blooms of flowers but the one thing that was a little
different was the trail runner. She was a
message that was being sent to me. As I
strolled through the park often stopping to take pictures, it began to
formulate in my head that I would run again.
It would not be the next day but the following week. I picked the location, which was a park that
was completely flat, so that way I could ease into my first run and if that
went well back to the trails.
I was walking steady and with a purpose now and thoroughly
enjoying myself. Normally I would have
hiked longer but I was mindful not to overdo it. To push hard but to push myself slow and steady. I was about a mile from the parking lot when
all of a sudden I saw her again - The trail runner! As she got closer, I shouted to her kiddingly
“You’re still running” she smiled and said “Of course I am training.” We stopped and started another conversation
about races and running. This time the
conversation was a bit shorter, than we both went our separate ways, once again
her running, me walking.
As I headed back to my car, I knew that the Trail Gods were
making sure I got the message. The time to run the trails is near.
(End Part 1)
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