The Power of Kindness Defeats Failure on a NJ Run

I was trudging along shuffling my feet in an exceedingly slow run. My running partner Anthony was off in the distance, and I kept my eyes locked on his green vest. Sometimes he was just a small faraway glimmer in the darkness as it was the wee hours of the night. What I needed was rest and time to sleep but the one thing we did not have was time. We were way behind on our schedule of running the length of New Jersey from the Southern point of the Cape May Lighthouse to the High Point Monument.

There were three of us planning to do this epic run which Anthony and I had completed in the reverse direction two years earlier. Yet on the first day there were some signs that this trek might be more difficult than the first. Dave, the third runner, had a work emergency the night before we ran and was having difficulty keeping up with the pace we needed to maintain in order to finish by Sunday. He languished for a few hours trying to stay with it but in the end in the early evening he pulled out and just decided to help my wife crew us. Something that he was amazingly good at.

Anthony and I maintained a brisk pace after that to make up for lost time, but we arrived at our rest stop, a friend’s house exhausted about five hours behind schedule. We had also run for twenty-four hours straight and been awake for over twenty-five hours.  

We started the next day great, but we had started so much later than we had anticipated so that by the time we got to the early evening we were still well behind. Now I was the one who was struggling. I could feel that I needed to sleep but our designated rest area was miles away and it looked like we would not arrive there till the sun was coming up. Anthony and Dave were worried about me. While doing math after running over 100 miles with almost no sleep is near impossible for me. I was aware enough to know that we could not finish until sometime that Monday.

Then Dave and Anthony suggested let’s finish as a relay. Each of us doing a leg. I was not thrilled with the idea because it felt like a failure to me of not covering every mile, but I had no choice but to agree. I then tried to sleep in the back of the car with some modicum of success. Anthony, who was by far the strongest runner went on to the next designated stop. He was hopeful that he could complete the run. We had decided to go “lean and mean” no major crew no long pit stops. Dave and I, taking turns with Anthony and driving to the next stop. At the moment we had two vehicles with Sebastion who worked with Dave driving his pickup and carrying half the gear.

I was still dejected about my performance when we got a call and it was Anthony. He was in really bad shape at the next stop. We got him in the car to warm up because he was very cold. The temperature had dropped, and he was tired. I felt that it was all over at that moment. I even called my wife Patty, and said I am not sure if we will make it. Dave then took the next leg just before sunrise. I had scouted the route that he would be on and was glad that the sun would come up because it was a beautiful area on country dirt roads with horse farms.

I drove to the next stop, which was the ShopRite in Chester as did Sebastion. He was going to empty his truck and we would reload our Honda CRV. It was bleak. We had all the gear strewn in the parking lot and began repacking the car. I was mentally defeated, and Anthony’s body was physically beaten. The thought of going on because I had the next leg seemed farfetched. I had also posted that we had switched to a relay format so that people did not feel obligated to cheer us on or run with us.

I was trying to come to grips with my failure in the parking lot. I knew that there was no way I could continue. My spirit was just a warm ember. Then something miraculous happened. This run was dubbed the New Jersey Kindness Run espousing the power of kindness. Yet I, the most vocal proponent of its power would be surprised by its strength.

It started innocently enough Patty and my niece Anna arrived with some food and support. Then my brother Greg showed up. Then my friend Dan arrived soon after because he wanted to run his first ultra-marathon. He was excited to run the next leg. Then to my surprise Rose and Rob arrived. I had known Rose for years through work and had always liked the two of them. Nicole who was a friend of Anthony shows up, and she is over eight months pregnant. They were all excited about our accomplishment so far. While I was down on our achievement, they were the opposite.

Dan was excited to begin his ultra journey. Then Rob said he was running as well. My wife looked at me and she was the one I had confessed my failure too. Then she said “You have no choice but to run.” I smiled because I knew that she was right. Besides that their positivity and kindness had not only touched my heart but lifted my spirits. I ran nine miles with Rob and Dan and it was great. We were not doing a blistering pace but we were chatting and having fun.

As we came into the next stop which was a large QuickChek I saw the cars in the back and they were cheering for us. I was happy but then tears welled up in my eyes when I saw my daughter there cheering me on with a sign that said “That’s my dad!” She and her boyfriend had driven in from Connecticut to cheer us on. Then my cousin showed up and my sister and brother-in-law. Followed by Bethany, a former school board member I had worked with. It was a party! We had chairs opened up the back of the cars opened it looked like a tailgate party. In fact, one guy driving by rolled his window down and asked “Where’s the firepit?”

More people joined as we traveled from one leg to the next. My mood was completely shifted. I was happy and energized. When I ran my next leg with my other brother Gerald as well as Dan. I was not trudging I was running with joy. Anthony even commented to me about how great it was to see me laugh and smile. Even when I glanced at my phone, I could see the positive messages appearing on my feed. It was so uplifting.

In the wee hours I was at my darkest and lowest point. I was not sure I could go on. Yet the support and kindness of my friends and family had lifted me up out of that funk. I am pretty sure I would not have finished if it was just the three of us doing it. That is the power of kindness. It lifts up individuals when they need it the most.

I think that is a very important lesson. You do not need to run an ultra-marathon to hit a low point. It happens in life. We need others to show us kindness and support.

Someone said to me after we had finished our running journey. You must be “basking in your achievement.” “No” I said. “I am basking in the support, love and kindness that my family and friends showed me.”  If I have a great achievement in life, it is to have so many kind and supportive family and friends in my life.  Maybe that is the key to great individual achievement. Realizing that it is not an individual effort and that you received kindness along the way.

The Starting Point for this Challenging Adventure was Using a Cane

I was opening my Facebook page when a memory came up for me to share. It was only from a year ago but it showed how far I had come in that year. It was a picture of a cane. It was a small step in my recovery from a stress fracture in my right knee. I was switching from crutches to a cane. A sign that I was on the mend. Yet here I am now almost exactly a year later planning on doing an almost 200 mile run. I had almost forgotten that I had that injury or at least it felt much longer ago.

As I write this I am only a couple of days away from running the length of New Jersey with two friends and a host of family and friends who will volunteer to help. I had been so consumed with the logistics of the run that I had felt that it was an adventure that started when we announced the run at the beginning of 2024. Yet this running journey began a year ago with me on my butt. Unable to walk let alone run.

I was so consumed with the future I had forgotten my roots. Yet now I was intrigued by the journey that was appearing on my Facebook memory.  It seemed a lifetime ago. Yet sometimes that is the way life is. A past experience seems like a different life. I went back to blog I wrote about my feelings and emotions of the injury. I read it to see if it matched what my recollections were.

To my surprise my memory of my feelings and emotions were pretty on point. It was a mix of bravado, determination, and fear. I was also taken by what I told the doctor in his office when he said I had to stop running and use crutches.

“When I run my next 100 mile run or the state of New Jersey again. I will let you know, so that other patients know what is possible.”

Actually, after I did my 100+ mile run in the fall I realized I never did let the doctor know. My mistake it is good for patients to know that complete recovery is possible.

Yet as I prepare to take that first step on my New Jersey running journey I am now taking time to reflect on a journey that I know a few people thought I would not be able to take at my age. Yet there were lessons in that journey that will help me in future hard journeys.

One of the biggest lessons learned was not a new one, but one that I had learned doing ultra-marathons. Break the goals into manageable parts.  Usually running 100 miles seems overwhelming especially when you are feeling a little tired but just running say ten miles to the next aid station is much more doable. Before you know it, the last aid station is five miles away and it means you have attained what you thought was impossible.

With my rehab I did the same thing. I went from crutches to using a cane. Then started walking without one. I also made sure that I was diligent about my physical therapy. I went to Jag Physical Therapy and worked with the staff there to continue my progress not so that I can walk again but so that I could run. This is not meant to be an advertisement for them, but they were a key partner in my comeback. That is because my goal was their goal. They wanted me to run again too.

I still remember the moment one of the physical therapist took me outside to the back of the office and said try and run. It was a moment that scared me. Yet it was an important step that I needed to take. This partnership with them was another lesson. We all need other people to support and encourage us. This is especially true when times are difficult.

After my physical therapy it was a slow ramp up from a 5K to a six-hour trail loop run, a marathon and then a 100 mile run. At each step I was methodical. They were each my next aid station.

There was a third lesson. That is that my rehab was not just on my body, but it was on my brain as well. Physical injuries will affect you mentally as well. I was literally running scared in the beginning. My steps were tentative and I was concentrating on my knee. It took a while before my mind not to think like I was an injured person. That was when I was healed when the mind and body ran together.

If you have ever hiked up a mountain and along the trail there is a great view of the valley below, I am at that stage. You gaze at the valley below with awe because this is why we hike mountains for the view. You also then look for where you started, and it looks so far and you take pride that your legs have taken you so far. I am at that point on my journey. Looking back with a little pride. But now I will turn my head from the valley below to the peak ahead. The journey is not over. I still have to navigate a difficult route before I reach my goal.

After that there is only one thing to do. Send an email to a doctor.