Sometimes Your Mental Grit Needs a Little Help

I think it was about mile 60 or 65 of my 30 Hour, 100 Mile Race called the Forbidden Forest when the idea for this blog came to me. Except at that moment, the title was going to be something along the lines of Showing Mental Grit in Failure. I had a major setback in the wee hours of the night after my crew had left for a well-earned rest. At first in the evening things were going well and I was completing my loops and was on pace to finish with time to spare and get to test my theory on the power of the mind.

At last year’s race I had finished with time to spare and could have finished another lap.  Yet when I went into my last loop, the energy from my body seemed to drain and I “settled” for the 100 mile finish.  I had been strong up to that point but knowing that I had my “100 Mile Buckle” my mind gave out before the body. For this race I wanted to see if I added one more lap to my goal if would my mind stay strong doing an extra lap.

After midnight, I had other mental grit issues to worry about. Like “Could mental grit defeat digestive issues in an ultra-marathon?”  My early opinion was that it was no match. When you are throwing up it is not “mind over matter”, especially when the matter is coming out of your mouth.

It had been an extremely hot and muggy day and I could see that many of the runners were struggling. I know it was getting to me. It was most definitely getting to my stomach. While I could easily hold down my fluids and fresh fruit (consisting of grapes, watermelon, and strawberries), I was having a harder time with the proteins.  They did not taste right but somehow in small portions I could take them. My crew, which consisted of my daughter Lisa, my wife Patty, my niece Anna and my friend Anthony, were constantly trying to get me to take in calories. (I should add that it was by far the best crew at the race! They helped not only me, but Dave, who was another friend running the race, in addition to several other runners. (Which means that I should have listened better to them)

I could feel my energy ebb after midnight and knew I had to consume more calories. I decided to take my time and try to eat slowly and stop more often. This was time consuming, but I believed in the long run (pun intended) that it would help. My plan was falling apart, as was my race. With each stop I could barely get down any solid food down except fresh fruit. As I was eating a small thin slice of chicken, my stomach revolted completely and I hurled! I was completely out of sorts. I decided to take a nap which lasted about 40 minutes to ease my body.

My mental grit was being tested. I was completely alone! Even Dave and Anthony were gone. Dave had pulled out of the race after a bad fall and Anthony was taking care of him.

Somehow, at 4AM I started running again but I had lost a lot of time. My legs felt strong but I had limited energy because I had not eaten. I would try and hold on until my crew arrived. I started eating fruit just to keep me going. I sent a desperate text to my wife and niece that I was not in great shape and if they could bring chicken soup. In my poor state of mind however, I forgot to hit send.

I was doing the math in my head about how many miles I had left and how much time I had to get to 100 miles. While my math skills diminished precipitously with each mile I ran, I soon realized that while it was possible to finish my goal, I had a lot of work to do. I needed to get miles in before my crew started to arrive at around 7:30AM.  I was hoping to get to 70 miles by 7:00AM. That would leave me seven and a half hours to do a 50k.  Which I normally could do easily, but this would be my third 50k in a row so I was not sure how it would go.

I decided that no matter what, I would keep going. If I didn’t get the 100 miles so be it. It just wasn’t my day.  I was listing my excuses as I ran: the heat affected me, I had digestive issues, other runners were dropping out. In fact, I saw many runners packing up. I thought I would just ease up and get between 80-90 miles. I was not only fighting the heat and terrain, but I was fighting myself. I had always prided myself on my grit and determination and even other runners would complement me on my determination. I liked to think of myself as somewhat of a badass. Yet the fire was not blazing now. It was more like hot embers with no flame.

I needed my crew but was a little nervous to see them because before they had left I was going strong but I had lost my confidence. A badass is always confident. The first to arrive were Anthony and Dave. Anthony  as usual, was beaming with positivity but I was trying to be realistic. It was good however to have his positive energy.

Next came my daughter Lisa and her boyfriend PJ, Patty, and my niece Anna. Anna was going to pace me. I was a little worried about that because she was just recovering from a severe leg injury and she was not used to running on trails. I had twenty-five miles to cover and plenty of time, if I was fresh. I was not fresh. I kept saying it is going to be close and that I may not do it. Anna was positive and said let’s not think about that let’s just run and see what happens. I had seen how she had talked to her own kids about issues and her tone and calmness with me was pretty much how she would address a pouty nine-year old.

My pace with her was slightly faster and to make up time I said I would run two loops and then stop. She was very attentive to my pace and discussed what I would need at the next stop. As I mentioned, Anna was recovering from a serious leg injury and had never run more than seven miles so I only expected her to do one or two of the 2.23 mile loops. My wife and I kept asking her if she wanted to go again and she said yes. She ended up running 19 miles with me!

We were having great conversations ranging from why we run, to my children, to her social life as a single parent. The more we ran together the stronger and better I felt. She would communicate with the crew when we came in. Anthony would pop in as well joining us with his never-ending energy. It seemed like he was the unofficial pacer for half the runners. I know that he personally got several runners to the finish line.

Then along our run while I was passing people we came upon Kate who was a few laps ahead of me and she was walking. She had it the bag though. She said she thought she only had to do 43 laps but found out it really 44 and was a bit bummed.  “What! I thought I had to do 45 loops!” I said to myself, now there was a glimmer of hope. I picked my pace. If I was not going to get to 44 loops I would get as close as possible.

I was the only one running hard. Most of the runners had either finished the run or were taking victory laps, and some knew the 100 miles was not possible. Their fates were sealed. Mine was not. I had to do my fastest pace since the beginning of the race. After 90 miles in the humid weather this was not easy physically or mentally.  Yet the attitude of the crew kept my dream alive despite my tamping of their enthusiasm. My time with Anna also brought back my mental grit and I was not going to miss the 100 miles without giving an all-out effort.

When I finished loop 41, the timer* yelled out to me that “I had to average 33 minutes a loop to do it.” At that point I decided to go for broke. I left Anna behind.   When I completed the 43^rd lap the timer in a state of shock yelled “That was 26 minutes! Wow!” I looked up and saw that I had a little over an hour left to finish the last loop.  Plenty of time.

I could feel that my body was near its limits with the heat, the mileage, and the high speed. Anthony was with me for most of the last lap but then we came upon a limping runner on her last lap. I went on alone because I wanted to finish strong and she needed his help more than me. I did not need someone to motivate me at this point I was so determined to finish. About a third of a mile from the finish Anna was on the trail.  I was flying (flying is a relative term at this point) on this part of the trail and she tried to get ahead of me to warn the crew that I was coming. I slowed down a bit so they could all get to the finish line but they had little time.

When I crossed the finish line, I collapsed. I had never run so hard before after so many miles. I even stated to my crew “That it may have been the hardest thing I had ever done.” I had never had to run my hardest at the end of an ultra to beat a time clock.

Mike, who was a fellow runner from Massachusetts who we had all befriended said to me “Man you had fire in your eyes. I wouldn’t want to meet you in a dark alley!” Yes, I had a fire in my eyes but it was through the help of Anna, Anthony and the whole crew that took those smoldering embers of determination and grit and turned it into a blaze.

I learned some valuable lessons on this run about mental grit.

First, I had always thought that mental grit meant persevering and moving forward and fighting through the obstacles such as the weather and the terrain. It was a fixed amount, but I found out on this race it fluctuates.  It rises and sinks depending on the conditions and sometimes certain conditions start to drain your determination.

Second, having the right supportive people around you makes a difference and can help restore your determination. My crew and especially Anna really refocused me to the task at hand.

Anna was with me during my down period, when I had some doubt as to whether I was going to be able to do this. She observed my transformation. She remarked: “Isn’t it amazing what you can achieve when you go all out?” Yes it is!!  It is even more amazing when you have people like her, my wife, Lisa, PJ, Anthony, Dave and our new friend Mike believing in you. It is funny, my first thought about this blog was about going all out and failing. Even if I had not made it I still realize how lucky I am. I am surrounded by people who truly believe in me and who nurture my determination and grit.

Third and maybe most important. The test of your grit is when you are at your lowest. For me it was at 4AM when I was alone and knew that I my body was in trouble and I probably was not going to make it. My fire was not burning but I still had some smoldering embers so it was not out and I decide to keep moving. That decision helped set up the strong finish.

As Anna said Isn’t it amazing what you can achieve when you go all out?” sometimes you may even surprise yourself.

*The timer came up to me after I finished and said “I lied to you. You didn’t need to average 33 minutes to make it, but closer to 38-39 minutes. I wanted to push you. He also said “at your pace you have time for another lap!” He was right but just like last year my mind had given out so I was done. I guess I proved my point.

World's best crew.

Life Lessons Learned Running 100 Miles that we all Could Use

I was laying on my hotel bed after completing the Forbidden Forest 100 Mile 30 Hour Endurance Run trying to rest my body and sleep but I couldn’t.  My body was in too much pain.  Whenever I rolled to a side it hurt. I had not slept in almost 40 hours but sleep was not coming easy.  I had showered and eaten so the next thing I needed was sleep. Yet it was the one thing eluding me. I had taken some Ibuprofen to ease the pain but that seemed to have no effect. It was as if my body was rejecting the idea of rest, or more likely it was telling me this is what happens when you do stupid things like running 100 miles.

My wife was observing this, wondering if she would also not get any sleep because of all the flailing and moaning I was doing. Eventually however the pain subsided and I fell asleep.

The next morning when I awoke my body felt much better but I was definitely a little stiffer than usual and moving slower than normal. While my body may have been moving slower my mind was racing. You cannot run a hundred miles for the first time without reflecting back on the experiences and reliving all the parts of the race, the good, the bad, and the strange. (Like a moth fluttering by your headlamp and landing in your ear!) The race may have been over but the experience was not.

There are things that we all know in life but we really do not internalize them until we experience them. That is what happened to me. I learned a lot about achieving success and pushing yourself beyond your limits not just in a race but in life itself. You may be thinking to yourself “Ray do I have to run a hundred miles to learn these life lessons?” The answer is “no” because I did that for you! You can thank me later.

What are these life lessons about succeeding and achievement?

It ain’t easy! – We all tend to look for the easiest path to get to where we are going. Whether that is in our careers or personal life. There are whole industries built on selling little pills that will make us thinner, more muscle bound, or even happy. Yet the easy path rarely leads to great achievement.

Running a hundred miles is not easy and to be quite frank, I was not 100% certain that I could do it.  It was exhausting to keep going and as I explained previously I was in extreme pain for a while after the race. There were obstacles that I had to overcome, in order to succeed. However the feeling of accomplishment that I felt after finishing the race was in direct proportion to it’s difficulty. I felt like I was on cloud nine after finishing this race because of how it tested me.

Think about your greatest successes in your life, and what made them standout in your mind, it probably was because others were not sure you could do it.  Maybe even you were not sure. It was a great success because it was not easy.

Many years ago at work I told my boss and a senior colleague that I think that I could get the governor to speak to our members.  They looked at me and politely stifled their snickering and said “go ahead try”.  I ended up doing it.

The point is we have to challenge and push ourselves. Nothing great will be achieved, if we just take the path of least resistance.

Go find your challenge. If you are a runner, find that race. If not, I am sure that there is a challenge that you have, maybe you only thought about it to yourself privately. What are you waiting for?

We Need Other People – I like to think that I am a badass because I ran a 100 miles but the reality is that while it is great individual achievement, it was not a solo act.  I had a crew that would get me my water and food so that I did not have to think about it.  I could tell them what I would need at my next pit stop. This all saved me precious time. My wife would also be scanning my face to look for signs of dehydration, overheating, and general exhaustion.

Maybe more importantly than the physical help they provided, it was the energy they gave me by cheering me on.  When you have friends and family cheering you on it gives you extra energy.

It was not just my crew that gave me that mental boost, it was Celeste’s crew (She was my tent neighbor at the pit stop. I discuss her and others in my first blog as well as my second from the race.) who also cheered me on.  The race director and the race volunteers were all positive.  My friend Ian Hockley also stopped by and cheered me on and boosted my spirits. Anyone who is runner knows that other runners are always so supportive.  As a rule, we always cheer each other on.  Strangely, even my Facebook friends who were following my race posts gave me energy.  Even though I did not have time to read them while I was running I saw my notifications light up and I knew that they were all positive. This all boosted my spirit.

If the COVID-19 pandemic taught us anything it is that we are social creatures.  Yes, we can stay at home and have ample food and shelter, be with our families but what we missed was all our other friends and family.  There is an energy you get from other people, which we sometimes forget about and it is powerful. A co-worker may have been an integral component to one of your major successes at work.

The key is to surround yourself with positive people who help inspire and push you.  Not negative people who always bring the energy down.

Me with Ian Hockley

Planning Matters – We can all successfully “wing it” once and a while but that is usually the exception not the rule.  I was not going to be successful just “winging it” on this race I had to plan my training and think through all the details of the race. That meant, my food, hydration, gear, obstacles such as heat or rain, as well as my pace in order to make it to the end. That plan included when I would change my shoes, socks, and shirt. When I would probably need different foods. If I had no plan then I would have no finish.

Natural talent and ability can only take you so far.  There was a young runner, who had a most smooth gait when he ran. He passed me about five times and I was sure that he would break the course record because it was looking so effortlessly to him.  I remember we were both checking our laps at the same time and he was four laps in front of me and was leading the second place runner by almost two laps.  When he heard he was leading and closing in on fifty miles he asked no one in particular “Should I slow down?” I thought that was an odd thought for such a talented runner. As we entered the night I remember thinking to myself I had not seen him in a while.  I later asked about him and learned that had dropped out. This was not only his first 100 mile race, it was also his first race ever! He really had no plan and burned out despite his talent.  I hope that he is not too discouraged because he has talent he just needs to plan a bit.

In America there is a mantra “Mind over Matter” yet while we all need a strong will to succeed, I will say “that matter – matters”.  You may want it badly but poor planning and training will derail even the most strong willed.  On all the ultras that I have run I would say the runners I saw who were ill prepared rarely finished.

Earlier I described a great success at work when I promised to get the governor. I did not wing it I had a plan and worked it constantly till I succeeded.

Channel your Inner Badass – the Mental Game – Running a 100 miles or pushing yourself to past your limits at any distance is not just a physical challenge but is also a mental challenge. Often times a great mental challenge. There will be times no matter how well you planned when things will go wrong maybe an injury or the weather.  You will be exhausted, sore, cold, and just want to stop.

I stopped writing when I got this point. Because the clichéd sayings came to my head.  You have to “dig down deep” show “grit and determination” as if “mental toughness” is a switch you can just flip on and off.  I am no expert on the mental game of a 100 mile race or any race for that matter, or even having mental toughness in life. All I can say is what worked for me in both instances. Though getting through the low points of a race are easier than some of the low points in life.

For grueling races I can train in bad conditions so that as I say I am “comfortable with being uncomfortable” I also never look at the entire distance when in an ultra-marathon. I break it into segments or legs. Like going from aid station to aid station. In this loop race getting to certain numbers of loops.  Those smaller chunks of distance are always attainable. If you think of the whole prospect of running another 50 miles you can get overwhelmed, but if you say I have to go another 5 miles you are okay. The key however is to keep moving forward. As they say “if you are in hell keep moving till you get out”

This lesson from an ultra is very apropos for life itself. When my father had passed away I was stuck wallowing in my sorrow. When you suffer a death of a loved one it can really hit you hard. Even if you know it is coming, you don’t know how it will affect you until it happens.  For me I tend to get stuck as I said wallowing in my own sadness.  The only way out was to start moving forward again into my regular life of work and family. It is like an ultra-marathon, just keep moving forward.

Don’t Compare Yourself to Others – This is counter intuitive because it is after all a race. In a race you place people by order of time or in this case distance.  Yet as any runner knows while there may be thousands of entrants in a race or maybe even only seventy five most of us have no chance of winning the race.  You are in essence competing against yourself. Trying to bring out the best in ourselves. Our successes and accomplishments are relative. My accomplishment of 100 miles was no greater or maybe even less than Ilene’s doing under 20 miles on crutches and suffering from a bone disease.

In life we all tend to compare ourselves to others as well.  We look jealously at friends and neighbors who have a bigger house, better cars, and go on more spectacular vacations. In the work place it seems everyone is watching each other and judging whether someone really deserved that promotion or not.

In a race I cannot control what the other races do I just have to concentrate on my actions to achieve success. The same is true about life we can control our own actions and efforts but have little to no impact on most other people and it is wasted time and energy to do so.

Enjoy and Reflect on the Journey – Nonrunners may not understand this but no matter what the distance the race is, runners share a bond and are always supportive of each other. It is why we are always signing up for races because the energy is always so positive. This is even truer the longer and tougher the race is because of the shared challenge and one could say shared misery.

On this 100 mile race I made new friendships with Celeste, Ilene, and the Race Director Lou. I had a shared experience with my wife and daughter. I could reflect even while in the midst of the race about how lucky I was to have the ability to even, attempt this challenge. While I was focused on getting to my final destination I thoroughly enjoyed the entire race atmosphere.  I talked to some runners who did not get to 100 miles and they too just loved the journey even though they did not get to their goal.

While important in a race it is even more important in life to enjoy the journey. Too often we are only focused on destinations like a promotion or new home and do not take enough time to be thankful for our friends and family. It is so important to take time out from a hectic life to spend with those people who love us.

To think I had to run 100 miles to learn all this. Now you may challenge my lessons if you want but first run 100 miles and then get back to me.

The Last Runner in the Forbidden Forest - In and out of the Dark – Part 2

As I came into my aid station, darkness had completely settled in on the last loop and I had to use my headlamp to finish the loop. I was over 50 miles in but in order to get to 100 miles, I wanted to have about 80 miles in by around 8am.  That meant covering thirty miles in the dark. It also meant doing it completely on my own. My daughter had left and my wife would go back to the hotel for a well-deserved rest after this pit stop. I hugged my wife and headed into the dark forest knowing what I had to do.

What did I have to do? I had to as they say “Embrace the Suck”!

Embrace it I did. For this race, most people spend a great deal of time on their conditioning, their gear, and their nutrition, but there is a fourth part of pushing yourself to your limits and that is the mental game.  I spent months visualizing the obstacles and difficult moments that I would face. More importantly, I spent months visualizing how I would overcome them.  I also always run even in bad conditions such as temperatures as low as 1 degree and as hot as 90 degrees. I also run in rain and snow.  This running in bad conditions had trained me to be comfortable with being uncomfortable.

That being said I had never run on a trail before in complete darkness and I would be doing it for about eight hours. All of a sudden, my world became very small. Basically, it was just what I could see with my headlamp. Which was bugs flying at me as well as other bugs scurrying on the trail at my feet. The bushes, stumps and rocks took on eerie formations. It was not the same trail as in the daylight.

My world also became quiet and solitary.  There was no longer the banter among the runners like there was during the daylight. In fact, there were fewer runners some had dropped out, others were sleeping and as the night wore on there were even fewer runners. There was no crew at this point so I would pop in to my camp get some nutrition and pop out.

I was alone with my thoughts, which is always a dangerous thing. While my mind did wander about bad things such as being attacked by a bear or a coyote or harkening back to the movie the Blair Witch Project, for the most part I was focused.  Correction I was laser focused on miles, getting to 70 miles before I would even consider resting or napping.   

The miles started to pile up and I was amazed at how good my body felt even after over sixty miles in.  One problem I had was that my watch did not sync up with the course so I was off by almost .2 miles every loop which does not sound like a lot but after 30 loops or so it adds up to miles.  They had a laptop at the starting/finish line which recorded your loops and miles.  Every few loops I would check in to see my miles.

My view for eight hours

I finally got to a little over 70 miles at about 3:30AM. I felt a little tired so I decided to see if I could take an hour nap. I took off my shoes and socks and put my feet up in a camp chair while my butt plopped in another chair as I tried to nap. While I did not fall asleep the rest plus some food, a Coke, and a change of socks and shoes, did me good and I was out and on the trail a little after 4:30AM.

I was feeling strong again and was going at a steady pace in fact I was passing other runners who were mostly walking. I also noticed that very few people were running. Soon the sun was trying to break through and I notice that some birds were chirping to greet the sun, much like some birds had done at dusk the night before to say goodbye to the sun. Besides the singing birds the other thing that greeted us in the morning were the bugs, they were nasty flies that flew into my sweaty hair. They would also bite me through my shirt. Yet I was glad to shed my headlamp and to be able to see the trail in daylight. I also noticed almost everyone I saw was walking.  There were a couple of runners that passed me and one was Daniel who would go on to set the course record with 127 miles but there were very few and I surmised that once they hit a 100 miles they may have stopped.  Most of the other participants that were left, had come to the realization that 100 miles was not to be, but they trudged on trying to accumulate as many miles as possible.

Not only did the birds and the sun return but so did Ilene. I met her fiancée who was also in the race, and we cheered each other on. It made me feel great when the two of them cheered me on as I passed the pavilion one time. Sometimes those little things are so big.

My wife showed up a little after 6AM and I told her I was at about 80 miles and she was bewildered.  I replenished my water and headed out checking my miles as I passed the gate and now it was my turn to be bewildered it said 75 miles.  Now five miles may not sound like a lot but it also meant time. It was also a psychological hit. That deflated my optimism a bit. This is when the mental game kicks in.

While I did not panic. Okay maybe I did a little. I recalculated my pace and time and realized I was now cutting it close.  I will admit it is hard to do math after running almost 80 miles. Maybe I had just lost count I thought to myself.  I told my wife I would be pushing it a bit because I was cutting it close and I did not want to fall a couple of miles short because I calculated wrong. I had ate a lot before my wife got there so I would not need a tremendous amount of fuel but I did need water.  I would bring a small water bottle with me and just get an exchange from my wife every time I went by.  I figured that I would pick up a few minutes each loop by shortening my pit stops. After I had done four loops and was feeling better about my time.

In the middle of all this Lou the race director yelled to me as I was starting another loop and said “We have breakfast sandwiches, please eat”. I said “I am pushing for that 100 mile buckle and it is close.” He gave me an ice pop and said “after this loop, eat.”  Frankly, that ice pop really hit the spot and tasted better than any sandwich.

I had picked up some time with that morning push and was feeling pretty good that I should be at loop 41 with only four left. I checked the laptop and I was at loop 40.  I was perplexed and I finally said something to the man operating the laptop “I think I am short a loop?” He said he would audit my loops. I headed out without much enthusiasm because I had little hope that they would find anything. While my enthusiasm was low, my determination was high and I really pushed myself. As I came around again and crossed the line again my wife was there and he said “You were right it missed recording a loop. You only have three loops left”. I was ecstatic.  This meant that even if I walked the last three I would make it. I ran them however, albeit very slowly.  Whether it was psychological that I knew I had my goal in hand or if all of a sudden fatigue set in I found my strength had diminished.

As I was taking my last three relaxing loops I noticed no runners were left until I had come upon Fernando who was easy to remember because for most of the run he had 80’s rock playing as he ran.  This time however he was joyously walking and singing as he strolled through the forest. While he did not look, or sound, anything like Julie Andrews singing “The Hills are Alive, with the Sound of Music” he had that same joy. He asked me “How many miles have you done?”  It was a question I had been getting often.  Because with a loop, people know who are accumulating miles. I told him I had a loop and a half left.  He smiled broadly “This is my last mile!” I congratulated him and kept trucking.

As I came around my last loop I looked at my aid station to see my wife, daughter, and PJ hanging out and they were a little surprised that I was finishing the loop so soon. They scurried to the finish line so they could videotape me crossing the finish line. Unlike other races when there is someone to greet you at the finish line this loop race only you and your crew know.  I did however go directly to Lou for my 100 mile buckle. He hesitated and I could tell he was going to say that he was out, but even the evil race director part of him, could not be that cruel.

I looked at my finisher’s medal and my buckle so happy and filled with pride. I thought to myself not many people can say that their greatest athletic achievement occurred at the age of sixty-one.

I was the oldest and the last runner to reach 100 miles, but it was a race with no losers. Even the people who did not reach 100 miles won. Celeste never intended to do 100 miles was trying to do 62 miles ended up doing 80 miles a personal best. Ilene just pushed herself, and while she did not even make 20 miles, her effort to me was the most inspiring of anyone’s.

I plopped down in my chair and relaxed at my camp, which was one of the few camps still up.  Most people had broken theirs down. I had not just relaxed in over thirty hours. I had learned a lot about myself, and actually life itself, on this journey. Which I will have to discuss in my next blog. That will have to wait but at that moment I had my finisher medal and my buckle, and an experience that will last a lifetime.

Getting my finisher medal and buckle from the Race Director Lou

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Last Runner in the Forbidden Forest - Half Way There – Part 1

Our lives are a series of choices we make every time we get to a fork in the road until we get to a destination that seemed inevitable.  It is as if that destination was your chosen goal even though you never really thought too much about it. You were making of what you thought were short-term decisions that led you to your current place.  That is what happened to me when I decided to try to run 100 miles in at least 30 hours. I had already done six ultras, three 50ks and three 50 milers, which should have been enough for a sixty one year old man. I have nothing to prove to anyone, yet for some reason I have something to prove to myself. I had worked hard over the recent years on my fitness (I describe this fitness journey in an early blog The Journey from 0 to 50 after the Age of 50) I guess with ultra-running the next distance is always calling you. It didn’t help that I was watching numerous YouTube videos documenting people succeeding and failing in their 100 mile attempts.

It was inevitable that I would succumb to the calling of the 100 mile distance. So, in the depths of snowy winter and with COVID-19 still wreaking havoc in our lives, I signed up for the Forbidden Forest 100 Mile, 30 Hour Endurance Race.. I gently broke the news to my wife that “I had found a great race for my first 100 mile run!” (Keep in mind I don't think I even told my wife I was looking to do a 100 mile race.) She immediately shot back “What do you mean your first?” I kinda hemmed and hawed and finally did what any husband would do, just ignored the retort and changed the subject. Then I said we would be able to see our daughter who lives in Connecticut.

I upped my training and I was very confident about my training and planning for the race. That is until two days before the race when unexpectedly seeds of doubt began to creep into my head.  A hundred miles is a long way I thought to myself. You have to run at night. Finally are you positive you can do this? The answer was a resounding “Maybe!”

The day before the race, I got there early and was the first person to check in. The excitement and confidence almost immediately came back as I met the Race Director Lou Loban. Like most race directors, he had a sense of humor. Race Directors of ultras are an interesting breed, they on one hand want you to have a great race and take pains to meet all your needs but on the other hand they take a little pleasure in knowing that you will suffer.  I am sure that if we had a psychic do an analysis of their past lives they at one time all worked in a torture chamber during the Spanish Inquisition.

Lou treated me like I was his personal guest at a family party. He load me up with race bling, which as any runner knows is a great feeling.  I started talking with other runners who were slowly yet steadily, coming in.  The party was just starting. I love the race scene but this race scene was different.  Since this was a short 2.23 mile loop you could set up your own aid station with food and a change of clothing and gear. My wife and I setup my canopy with the chairs and table.  The food would wait until the next day.

I also met my tent neighbor Celeste. We had both done a virtual race together representing Dylan’s Wings of Change who I was raising funds for running this race. When I saw on a Facebook group site that she was doing the same race I reached out to her to see if she would like to share resources she gladly accepted because at the time, she thought she was primarily doing this race solo. Eventually this turned out to have been one of the smarter moves I made for the race. Because while she was not solo and neither was I, in the end we both had crews that cheered each other on and it was definitely great to have us both get positive energy from total strangers.

The next morning I was like a caged animal ready to run yet while I was completely ready and set up by 7am others were just starting to set up their camp. The start was not until 8:30am so I had to be patient. Looking out over the field of canopies and tents, I had the sensation that this was not race as much as it was a festival. I was surrounded by people who I did not know, yet there were no strangers. We were an ultra-running tribe.

There was a little confusion at the start since we thought it was a wave start but everyone just paused and then started all at once. Like most races I do, I probably started out a bit too fast.  I was at a pace at around 11 minutes per mile, which was not a pace that I could not keep up for 50 miles. Let alone 100 miles.  That was okay my plan was to be steady for the first ten loops and than slow the pace down. It is interesting in ultra-marathons that you often find yourself in a pack of runners with a similar pace and then slowly but surely you spread out.  Eventually you find yourself alone like I did to figure out the right pace to finish the 100 miles in 30 hours. Even though this was a short loop the 78 runners or so were soon spread out.

My race was not with the other runners. My race was with the clock.  The race was basically a math problem.  I just had to keep moving at a steady clip with rests built in until I got to 100 miles. You really could not walk too long or you would fall short. This meant constantly checking my watch seeing if my pace would get me to the various goals I had set for myself.  I wanted to get to 50 miles in about thirteen hours.  That would give me sixteen hours for the second half. (Yes I know that adds up to twenty-nine hours but I was calculating in a nap.) Still to get to fifty miles I still had to actually run fifty miles.

Now I am not one who believes in omens or signs but as I was running my fifth loop I saw a large hawk feather falling to the ground almost directly at my feet. At first I thought it had fallen from another runner but who would be running with a feather? I had already passed this spot several times, so it could not have always been there previously. I picked up my newly found treasure and ran with it in my hand until I got to my aid station less than a mile from where I found it. I took this find as a good omen, a sign that I would succeed.

The one thing that I was a little hesitant about on this 100 mile race was that it was a series of 45 loops.  Would I get bored with the same scenery?  On other shorter ultras there were always different vistas and views that kept me excited and motivated I would not have this on this race. It ended up I loved the loop.  The trail was rolling with short climbs and descents.  Definitely runnable but definitely not a smooth easy trail. The reason I loved it though was that I could concentrate on my pace and not be distracted. I also was never far from food and water so I did not have to carry a lot.  I would carry just enough water to always stay hydrated a simple thing but extremely important, especially since it was a hot humid day. I just had to find the right pace and I did. 

Mile 27 with Ian Hockley

The other thing that was completely new to me was having a crew.  All my races had been solo acts and I would use the aid stations provided or on some loop races bring my own supplies but on this race my wife would be my crew most of the time and my daughter and her boyfriend would also join in. So we were all new to crewing but soon fell into a routine of me coming in and they helping me with my fluids and food.  My wife even would cool me down with an icy cold wet cloth during the hot parts of the day. I am pretty sure I would not have finished without them.  It changed from being “my” race to “our” race.

I also probably stopped too often and lingered too long at our camp but it was not only great to hear my crew cheer me on but Celeste’s crew did the same thing.  This event is actually more of a mental challenge than it is a physical challenge and the positive energy from a crew cannot be dismissed at all.

In a long race you have your ups and your downs.  For some reason as I was coming into mile 27 I was not feeling great about my race except when I jogged into my camp there was Ian Hockley from Dylan’s Wings to cheer me on.  We hugged and he interviewed me and gave my wife some pointers on crewing. While I would have loved to stay and chat I had miles to cover.  He walked with me for a short time and we discussed doing it next year.  He really lifted my spirits and I was back going at a steady clip.

This spirit lifter by Ian plus a good meal reenergized me and I was back at a steady pace.  I was also passing more people on the loop trail. It was not that I had increased my pace but that I was keeping the same pace and the others were slowing down. I was actually amazed at how strong I felt. After 30 miles and I was moving strong and steady and I passed a runner rather easily, she was astonished and said “What is with you? You got a second wind?” I smiled to myself because I knew I was going strong.

I don’t want to give the impression that I was a leader in this race far from it but I was definitely on pace to finish with time to spare and while not leading I was definitely in the upper half.

The other advantage to a short loop ultra is that you get to see the same runners often and there is banter and a sharing of energy that occurs.  We all quickly give each other a positive comment whether we are being passed, or passing someone else.

One person however really stood out as someone who inspired me to keep going and it was not because she was going to get to the 100 miles. No, far from it.  Her name was Ilene and she was completing the course on crutches.  She was going to push herself as hard as she could to get as many miles as she could.  I called her my hero.  I thought if she can give that type of effort so can I. I mean what excuse do I have? 

Ilene and I on the trail

One of the reasons I wanted to get to fifty miles as fast as I could is that I had to run at night and that is something I had no experience with so I wanted to accumulate the miles during the daylight because I figured (correctly) that the pace would be slower in the night.

Well I reached my goal of 50 miles slightly ahead of schedule at twelve and a half hours. Bon Jovi’s song Livin’ on a Prayer was stuck on in my head courtesy of my daughter’s boyfriend PJ singing it. Because of the line - Woah, we're half way there.

In reality though the Bon Jovi song that should have been going through my head is It’s My Life with the line - It's my life, It's now or never. Because darkness had set in and I was entering the part of the race I was most nervous about.  Running through the night in the dark. That is because I had the least experience with this. While I felt strong I knew the hardest part was coming.

(To Be continued.)