The Equalizer - Grit and Determination

I was walking in the field where all the runners were setting up their personal camps for a 30-hour 100 miles or more race, and taking in the scene with my wife. When these two women walking in the opposite direction are walking towards me and I can’t help but check them out. Even though my wife was right next to me. After they pass, I turned to my wife who also saw them, and we shook our heads. They looked like Amazon warriors. They were so fit and strong. I was checking them out as my competitors, and I obviously did not match up with their fitness. We looked around and most of the runners were incredibly fit.

You see all these other runners were for the most part younger, stronger, and more agile than me. I have to admit when I saw the other runners I was intimidated. I was sixty-two and attempting to run a hundred miles for the first time. While many of the runners like those women had bodies that turned heads. I did not. I was thinking to myself, that maybe I had gotten myself in over my head.

I had learned over time though that this was not a race, I was not racing the other runners. I had to ignore the competition and just go at my pace. I was racing against myself. I had my goal and a plan to get to it. Where I placed, was of little concern to me. Finishing however was. I was confident that even though I was older and slower than most of the others I was just as determined, maybe even more so. I was sixty-two years of age and not getting any faster, so I had limited opportunities left to do these races. They had the luxury of many future runs. I had fewer opportunities to fail. While it was my first attempt at 100 miles, I had endured many Tough Mudders, Spartan Races, and several 50 milers. So, I was used to tough challenges. Maybe I was naïve, but I was confident.

As the seventy-plus runners started, I felt good and was going strong. Since this was a loop race you saw the other runners often and I knew the strong ones. They would lap me once and a while. I confess that it is a bit deflating to get passed but I kept trudging on. While I was moving good there was something looming that worried me. That would be the necessity of running through the night. I will admit I was a bit fearful of running through the forest at night. It was the one thing I had never really done before but in order to reach my goal I had to confront that fear.

When night came, I was very tentative. I was going to walk not run since even with a headlamp it was hard to see the details of the trail. Yet I felt strong and running seemed better. So, after less than a mile I was inpatient, and I began to run. Running at night in a forest is strange. While I had run this loop many times before in the daylight it was not the same trail at night. The stumps, trees, and rock formations took on eerie shapes. Seeing some eyes watching me from the forest did nothing to ease my nervousness even if only was a deer. (I hoped!)

I was moving slower than during the day but I was still moving when I began to notice something. There were fewer runners on the trail. Many runners had decided to take a longer nap during the night. Running at night in the forest is not for everyone. Yet if you wanted to get to 100 miles you had to do it. I was planning on taking a short nap but otherwise just to keep moving.

Even among the strong athletes, there were fewer. There were only one or two who passed me at night. Apparently, some of them had burned themselves out by going out too fast or had some other issue with their food or injuries.  I know when I stopped at my tent, I heard some people moaning in pain. Others were completely asleep. While everyone else slept I kept moving steadily. I did have to take a short nap but felt rejuvenated and reenergized.

When morning broke, I realized that there were fewer runners. Some had apparently pushed themselves to their limit. What surprised me was that a couple were strong runners. One had at one point been leading the race. A couple of the other young athletes had trouble maintaining their pace.

I realized that I may have one attribute in greater abundance than some of the younger runners. I probably had more grit and determination. In fact, the next morning when my wife returned one of the “Amazon” women said to my wife “Your husband is amazing he never stops!” My wife told me this after the race.

I remember that all my focus when the sun came up was getting to that 100-mile mark. During each loop I would think of what food I would eat when and make sure I had enough fluids. It looked like I would be cutting it close to that 30-hour limit. The only thing that seemed to be draining my energy was my ability to do math. I was trying to calculate my pace and the time limit but for some reason I couldn’t. A lesson I learned is that after running over 90 miles and with no sleep for twenty-seven hours doing even simple math becomes difficult.

As the time ticked away and I was just over 29 hours I had only two miles left and had reached my goal of 100 miles. Out of the seventy-five runners only eleven had surpassed the 100-mile mark. Even some of the athletes whose bodies I was envious of had not reached that goal. I was the last one to get to that goal.

It was at this race that it was solidified in my mind that ultra-running is not only a physical challenge but also a mental challenge. As a runner you need to prepare not just physically but mentally for the race. Those other runners may have better physical assets than me, but I compensated with my grit and determination. It is something that I work on now as much as my physical training is my mental training and mindset.

Finally, sometimes when we start to compare ourselves to others all we see is how we don’t measure up. It is better to just be the best version of ourselves that we can be. Not everything is a competition – not even a race.