Real Men Love Cats – I Loved Mine

My eighteen year old cat Midnight came to me on the couch in the wee hours of the night. I was sleeping on the couch because her health was very bad and I wanted to be around if something happened. With my assistance she got up on the couch and laid on my chest. I gently wrapped my arms around her and we dozed together. This was the first time in her eighteen years that she had done this. She was never a lap cat nor did she like being held. She showed her affection in other ways. She would climb next to you and lie down as you stroked her. She loved to butt her head against you. As she laid on my chest I was hoping she would die. I know that sounds horrible but she was in a bad way and I was struggling watching her waste away.  I had an appointment with the vet the next day and I knew the vet would recommend putting her to sleep.

As she laid there I felt her love and I know she felt my love for her. My heart was breaking because over the last two weeks I had watched her decline so quickly. Especially the last few days. I would find her just laying the floor in strange spots because she did not have the energy or strength to go up any stairs or climb on a couch. While she meowed loudly to be fed she barely ate anything and sometimes her back legs gave out and she could not even stand. Her body was unable to perform any functions. It was so sad and heartbreaking.

Yet she was able to do one last thing strongly and that was to show us her love and affection like she had never done before. That last night she also went to my wife and laid on her chest. She made one last climb upstairs to my son’s room and to demand affection from him. The previous week she followed me in rooms and demanded affection which I gladly gave her sometimes with tears welling up in my eyes. It was as if she knew that her time was limited and was going to give us all the love she had and not leave any love on earth.

As we laid on the couch my mind drifted back to the first time I spotted her and decided she would be our family’s first pet. I was working at an office condo when I spotted this tiny black kitten outside. I tried to get her but she was too skittish and got away. At the same time a woman in the complex had spotted me and said she was also trying to capture the kitten and that basically she does cat rescues in her spare time. We had no luck for a couple of days and then the next night the temperature dropped below freezing and I was worried about my new feline friend. I hoped that she survived. As I drove into a parking spot, there at the end of my parking spot was my black kitten. I took it as a sign that she was mine. The next day the woman contacted me to say she caught the kitten and it was at her vet’s office.

I called my wife and told her that we have a pet. This threw her off for two reasons. First when we had discussed getting a pet I was leaning towards a dog because that is what I had always had as kid. Second she was concerned that a feral cat may be a bit too wild. I was adamant that I wanted this cat and that she was a sweet kitten. My kids were thrilled with dad’s adventure and named the kitten Midnight.

Looking back on it now I have a hard time remembering our house without Midnight and then Sterling and Angel to follow. It is as if we had always had cats. Yet Midnight was the first and she has been with my kids from elementary school, middle school, high school, college and beyond.

Our household revolved in many ways around the cats. They each had their own personalities and when there were three of them the house felt so alive. In many ways they helped my wife and I raise my daughter Lisa and son Evan. While a parent’s love can seem conditional as to whether you finished your homework or finished a chore, the cats love was truly unconditional. When we would come home from vacation the first thing we all wanted to do, was see our cats. There was a ritual with this that we all noticed. While Angel and Sterling were there to greet us, Midnight gave us the cold shoulder. She forced us to beg for her love.

Feline love is very subtle.  While people who have dogs parade their dogs on walks and vacations the affection is open and obvious. With cats it is a little different. People may even come over to your house and visit and not see your cats. In our house Angel is the exception she would greet everyone. Midnight and Sterling though would go into hiding. So when Sterling died young many people had only caught glimpses of him. Midnight was the same way until in her later years when she became deaf. Then she never ran away but decided to go where she wanted and soon our friends and family got to know her better.

Yet even with visible cats the affection is more private and personal than it is with a dog. Cats show their affection in ways that only the owners know.

When I had taken Midnight to the vet in April of 2022 we discovered a growth in her stomach. It was probably a tumor since she was losing weight but at eighteen there is no viable options except to keep her comfortable and stress free. I knew then that our time with her was short. I kept telling my daughter who lives in Connecticut to visit for every holiday because it might be the last time she saw Midnight.

Midnight however persevered. Though I noticed her world shrinking. At first she stayed on our bed almost all day except to come down to eat and use the litter box. She always slept on my side of the bed and gave me a hard time as if to say “this is my spot” when I was sleeping. Then she seemed to have difficulty going to the basement for the litter box and we were forced to purchase pee pads for her on the first floor. Soon she was regulating herself to just one floor.

I was not the only one to notice her decline. Angel, our other cat who is four years younger also noticed. The two of them never seemed to be friendly to each other, they just tolerated each other. Angel used to be like the annoying younger sibling who would pester their older brother or sister. In a change that filled my heart with joy she showed friendship to Midnight. She stopped pestering her and even started to sleep next to her. This is something she never did. We were all shocked.

One ritual I had with them both was the feeding ritual. Both cats would meow loudly and swarm around my feet in a meal time dance. I would be telling them to be patient. Towards the end when Midnight was  very sick, She could not eat a lot at once and this ritual began to increase from twice a day to several times. Though often she would only sniff the food.

Yet despite the extra meals Midnight who was once pleasantly plump was just skin and bones. She also became louder because we could hear her breathe and drink her water. Her meows were also louder.

When we got to the vet’s office my wife was not ready for the news. Dr. Rao who is wonderful said it was not fair to Midnight to be like this. I went to text my son and daughter but I couldn’t because the tears in my eyes prevented me from reading the contacts in my phone. We took Midnight home for one last time so that we could FaceTime our daughter so she could say goodbye and have my son say goodbye as well. My son at first disagreed with the decision but my daughter said “This is not about us. This is about what is best for Midnight.” We then all cried and held Midnight in our arms one last time. I am sure Midnight felt our love and I know we felt hers. She certainly was not human but she was also most certainly family.

In many ways the euthanatizing of pets is more humane than the death of humans. It is peaceful and painless. You are surrounded by the ones you love. It was the last act of love that we could show Midnight.

The next morning when I went to feed Angel I noticed something immediately. Angel did not make a sound nor did she swarm around me. I just fed her in perfect silence. I then realized that the meal time ritual was Midnight’s. She was the lead vocalist and dancer. Angel was the backup vocalist. Maybe that increased desire for food was really an increased desire for attention. 

When Midnight had fallen asleep on my chest I realized that the t-shirt I was inadvertently wearing said “Real Men Love Cats” It was a shirt my daughter had given me. The male role models when I was growing up were very stoic. A real man did not cry or show much emotion with the notable exception of watching sports. While many of my friends learned that lesson well, I never did. Tears flow from my eyes easily not just in sad moments but almost all emotional moments. When my wife said to my daughter do you want to talk to your dad? She replied “we will just cry together” and we did. She knows me too well.

A few days after Midnight’s passing the tears still well up. As the shirt said “Real Men Love Cats” and while I may not be a “real man” I did love Midnight.