An Aging Runner Trying to Push Back his Cutoff Time

I was sitting in my living room reading with my wife when both our cellphones beeped with a text message. It was not a happy message. A friend of ours was diagnosed with cancer and the prognosis was grim.  In recent months, we have had a family member suffer a heart attack and another pass away from COVID. Welcome to our life as over sixty year olds.  

Those who are in their 20’s, 30’s and 40’s may not understand the slight difference but as you age the conversation in your circle of friends and family starts to shift and people’s health becomes a larger portion of the conversation.

How did I cope with the news? The next morning I signed up for a difficult trail half marathon and a short while later I signed up for a 24 Hour endurance run.  I know that is not normal coping method in dealing with aging but as I told my wife “I have a gift from God that I can run ultra-marathons in my sixties and shouldn’t squander it.”

Life is like a long race maybe the ultimate ultra-marathon but like most long races it has a cutoff time. I normally do not have to worry about cutoff times in races. I easily come in well before those times.  I am also not being morbid and talking about my own death.  I am however concerned that maybe one day my health will prevent my body from running.

While I am confident in my abilities as a runner after all I had just completed my first 100 mile trail race six weeks from sixty-second birthday.  As I age there are two things that become clearer with every day.  Time is a very limited commodity and our health is maybe our most precious asset. 

When I was younger, time seemed almost unlimited and good health was something I took for granted. Yet I soon realized that waiting for the “right” time to do something was impossible because there is almost never the “right” time for anything. This is something that is true at all ages. There is always a reason not to do something.

Knowing that I have limited time has freed me to push myself. To try ultra-marathons.

For example I was infatuated with the idea of running an ultra-marathon.  I wanted the challenge and believed I could do it if I trained.  Even though I was 57 and had not started running until I was 50 I knew that if I trained I could do it. I knew however that my life schedule was hectic and finding the time to train would be near impossible, so it would be better to wait. Then it hit me “I am 57 freaking years old!  I don’t have the luxury of time to wait until I have the time to train.”  So I signed up for my 50 Mile Run and amazingly found the time to train. The same thing happened four years later at the age of 61 when I signed up for a 100 Mile Challenge. I had become infatuated with the distance of 100 miles and the challenge but wasn’t sure the time was right but then it hit me “Do I want to just dream about it or do it?” Because I did not want to leave this world never knowing if I could do it. I signed up for a 100 Mile Run.

The point is our biggest disappointments in life are not the things we did but the things we did not do because the “time” was not right! Waiting for the right time is akin to watching life pass you by.

I should also note that COVID-19 has had an impact on my desire to do things sooner rather than later. We all know events that we really wanted to do that were cancelled. We also know people we may have lost, not even necessarily from COVID, that we never got a chance to see. I think that many of us now realize how precious our time and health is.  I know that for me personally having been sidelined by COVID and thinking that I may never run again made me even more aware of how limited our time is and how precious our good health is. It also made me realize how fragile it all is.

Time is a limited commodity. There is however one way to increase your time and that is with good health and fitness. I know everyone can point out someone who lived into their 90’s who smoked like a chimney and drank a bottle of whiskey daily.  They can also name someone perfectly fit who ran marathons and died in their 50’s. In fact so can I.  Yet in general, we all know that exercise is better for us.  In my view, it not only increases your time on this earth but it improves the quality of your time on this earth.

I stated earlier that my fitness and ability to run ultra-marathons is a “gift from God”. However is some respects it is a gift, that I bequeathed to myself. God may have given me some natural talent and free from any chronic conditions. Yet I spent time nurturing my gift mostly through running.  I was not going to take my health for granted anymore when I turned fifty. 

That is when I realized that my time to be active and fit was limited and I may need to do something to extend it.  A friend asked me years ago when I was in my early fifties how long do I think I could still do all the obstacle and trail races I was doing.  I had no answer for him but in my head that maybe when I turn sixty I may back off.  That was the cutoff time I created. Now that I am in my sixties and I am going stronger than I was when I was fifty, I realize that I am not going make up my own cutoff time I will just wait until my body tells me.

I called my friend who had cancer and he was in good spirits.  He seemed comfortable and at ease with his own mortality. I hope that I would be like that when I face my own mortality.  It affects me even more that he is younger than I. I almost feel guilty that while he is in his situation I am having fun running long distances in the forest.

The next day it was an early fall crisp morning and I savored my morning run. Like most runs it seems to get more enjoyable the further I get into it. The first mile is always one in which I try and find my rhythm. Maybe that is life itself. We spend the first part finding our rhythm and then we mature and get comfortable. Then it hit me as I was coasting on the second half of my morning run.  I spend a lot of time reminiscing about my past and thinking about my future but not enough time living in the moment. Those are the runs that I should enjoy the most. Yes a future ultra is great moment but I realize I need to enjoy the present and my daily runs. Those are the runs that extend the cut off times.